Want

I think I missed this class when I was growing up. It's so hard for me to think of things I want... Not even abstract things, like serenity and understanding. Why is it so unlike me to have tangible things and WANT them?

I think this has made be under-sensitive to the world around me. This is a materialistic world, but where do I stand if I do not really WANT anything from it? I don't really have any desire to drive a nice car, wear designer clothes, eat at fancy restaurants. Where did everyone else learn this...

Don't worry, I don't judge you if you do WANT. I think your desires would reflect your personality, your interests. So does this mean that I don't have any of either? That I am never driven enough to actually WANT to own, WANT to chase, WANT to earn?

But I guess this isn't fair to me... I think I WANT things just as much as any other person. Maybe I just desire different things.

Lets make a list:

WANTs:
-

I think my trouble is that I can rationalize everything off my list. I can tell myself, I don't need those shoes, I have enough shirts, those dreams are too far/expensive/few/extravagant/frivolous.

Stop. Let's try again:

WANTs:
-

But then I think I'm shallow for even thinking of those things. I don't judge you, but surely, I judge myself. It's not something I WANT to do. It happens, like gravity.

Maybe material goods aren't what I ought to be focusing on. I mean, how long could I go on about Louis Vuitton or Chanel? Sephora or Dior? Does this make me less desirable? Less worldy? Do you WANT me less?

Here, here, I'll tell you what I WANT, if that'll make me a person in your eyes.

I WANT us to be friends for a long, long time.
I WANT to stay close to this moment.
I WANT to keep on this path, this simple harmonic motion.
I WANT it to all work out, because I love you all.
I WANT to be worth something in your heart.
I WANT you to WANT me...

But only if you WANT to.

What I WANT is to know what I WANT,

Because this is ME

I should know.

But I don't.