I guess a lot happened this year.
Wish I could find you, so I could tell you, Merry Christmas.
But that's over and done with now.
:) So what to say, what to say. Nothing really. Break time. Gonna eat lasagna for dinner. Watching korean dramas all day. Procrastinating.
Not thinking that much, but hey.
"I think we're done then," he says, and I nod. He walks out our door, my door, and I know this will be the last time he does it, with a part of me in his heart.
Of course he will come back. He needs his coffee mug, his sweaters. I'll let him have the microwave, we'll work something out for the tv. But the next time he comes, we will be different people, and that is the ache in my heart.
And with this, I know it is over. There was no yelling, because you only scream and fight when there is still something left to scream and fight for. We are hollow, carved out long ago with silver spoons, our innards used to make pumpkin pie and the like, sweets of the holidays. All made with love, our love - that's why it tasted so good on your tongue, and lasted so long on your thighs.
I sit in this apartment, and watch him walk away. Soon, I am at the window, counting his steps.
He is gone.
I am free.
And as he walks the eight blocks to his temporary abode, I run to you, I run as fast as he should have ran for me.
The farther you run away from the world, the closer you get to the beginning of time. I run from my center, my boy, to you, the mis...mis... the chance I missed all those years ago.
I run across the river, past the shops which glow, the fairy lights on the trees. I am thankful you chose to study so close to me, despite everything. Nothing is romantic when there is time to think. I almost laugh, at the idea of me, rushing to your side, on a train for three hours, then on a bus for another two. A step off romance is lack of common sense, and a moment too long is regret.
So I run, and follow an elderly man in with his dog, rather than buzzing in.
So easy it would be, to bring in a bomb, a gun, if this did not work out. I smile cynically, filing this thought away to comfort me if I needed it.
I am at your door. I knock, knock, knock, come to the door, stupid. There is sound, and I imagine all the things that I could have stumbled upon. My mind's ear hears the whispers of lovers, the slick sounds of love. You said you would wait, but I told you not to.
I wonder if you listened to me. It seems unlikely, but there is a first time for everything.
Like a child, I press my ear against the door. I could just make out the voices, the conversation, I'm listening, I'm listening.
Maybe this is a mis-
"Hey."
It's you. A little taller. A little thicker. Your face looks a little older. The look in your eyes, a little colder.
The snow dusting your hat and arms, just made you look cold.
"I...I think I made...I made..." My teeth clatter.
You look at me, waiting. I can finally say it:
"I made a mistake."
"I know." You hand me one of your grocery bags. It's filled with ornaments and candles. I see the star we picked out so many years ago.
You take out your key, open the door. The television is roaring, spitting sound and light into the dark apartment. I stand at the doorway and watch you shed your winter skin, and take in the home you made without me. You settle on the couch and leaf through your mail - I can tell you now, there are no letters from me. You stop abruptly, and look up at me.
"Aren't you going to come in?"
I smile, "I think I will."
It'd be a mistake if I didn't.
Merry Christmas.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Commencement
Happiness ebbed and flowed from the open classroom doors. It was a river of old students, happy to be back, because there was nothing anyone could do to put them down. You will never see my classmates that happy to be in school on a Friday night. It’s not that fun when you are forced to be there.
I stand at attention, guarding my door. People moved in and out, reuniting with lost friends, remembering moments and memories and names. One girl walked the halls alone, looking for someone, probably. I felt sorry for her; loneliness is worst when you have to pretend you’re not alone.
Finally, they were called away, put into lines and marched single file to the auditorium. Graduating after putting high school in the back of their minds, and going on to greater things. I look for your face in the procession, to see if you have changed from chasing these greater things.
They call names, taking attendance, and I smile at the strangeness of it all. I wonder how you must feel, after all these months of being a number, to be called by your name. I wonder if it’s like coming home.
You looked good when I saw you from a distance. Healthy enough, still a little bumbling, still sharp. You look good, walking across the stage, picking up your awards. It’s been different without you.
The parade ends, and I jump from my seat. I have assignments to do, posts to guard, instructions to follow, but I throw them away. They are nothing, not now. I have to talk to you.
“Hey!” I cry out, waving and jumping up. I wish I were taller.
“Hey there,” you walk towards me. I hug you, and smile up at you. I am the perfect size for you to hold. I take back my wish. I'm tall enough.
“How are you?” I say, even though I know.
“I’m good, really good. You?”
“I’m alright. It’s so good to see you! How’s university? Oh, congrats on your award!” I’m spluttering, getting as many words out as I can. “It’s so good to see you,” I say again.
You laugh at me, per usual, like you always do when I get too excited. “I’m happy to see you too.”
I open my mouth to say more, but someone crashes into me from behind. “Oh sorry,” I say, looking back to see who it was.
“Hey! I’ve missed you so much!” She hugs me, squeezing my mid-section hard. “Wow, you’re so much taller! And your hair! I can’t believe you cut it!” She grabs my hands and gushes on, her hair bobbing as she talks.
I see you backing away, an amused smile on your face. My heart falls, and I stand, holding hands with the wrong person, listening to the wrong voice.
“I missed you,” you mouth, as you dissolve into the crowd.
Yeah, I missed you too.
I stand at attention, guarding my door. People moved in and out, reuniting with lost friends, remembering moments and memories and names. One girl walked the halls alone, looking for someone, probably. I felt sorry for her; loneliness is worst when you have to pretend you’re not alone.
Finally, they were called away, put into lines and marched single file to the auditorium. Graduating after putting high school in the back of their minds, and going on to greater things. I look for your face in the procession, to see if you have changed from chasing these greater things.
They call names, taking attendance, and I smile at the strangeness of it all. I wonder how you must feel, after all these months of being a number, to be called by your name. I wonder if it’s like coming home.
You looked good when I saw you from a distance. Healthy enough, still a little bumbling, still sharp. You look good, walking across the stage, picking up your awards. It’s been different without you.
The parade ends, and I jump from my seat. I have assignments to do, posts to guard, instructions to follow, but I throw them away. They are nothing, not now. I have to talk to you.
“Hey!” I cry out, waving and jumping up. I wish I were taller.
“Hey there,” you walk towards me. I hug you, and smile up at you. I am the perfect size for you to hold. I take back my wish. I'm tall enough.
“How are you?” I say, even though I know.
“I’m good, really good. You?”
“I’m alright. It’s so good to see you! How’s university? Oh, congrats on your award!” I’m spluttering, getting as many words out as I can. “It’s so good to see you,” I say again.
You laugh at me, per usual, like you always do when I get too excited. “I’m happy to see you too.”
I open my mouth to say more, but someone crashes into me from behind. “Oh sorry,” I say, looking back to see who it was.
“Hey! I’ve missed you so much!” She hugs me, squeezing my mid-section hard. “Wow, you’re so much taller! And your hair! I can’t believe you cut it!” She grabs my hands and gushes on, her hair bobbing as she talks.
I see you backing away, an amused smile on your face. My heart falls, and I stand, holding hands with the wrong person, listening to the wrong voice.
“I missed you,” you mouth, as you dissolve into the crowd.
Yeah, I missed you too.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Scratch That
Forget it.
Move alonggggggggg...
Nothing to see here...
LOL freak show is taking a break...
Move alonggggggggg...
Nothing to see here...
LOL freak show is taking a break...
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
********
She pressed the buttons, a cold sweat running through her.
Password: ******
Access denied.
Password: ************
Access denied.
Password: ********
Access denied.
She was out of ideas. All she knew was that she had to get in.
Password: ******
Password: ***********
Password: ********
Denied, denied, denied.
"Ah!" she cried, smashing her hands against the keyboard. Calm down, she thought, putting her head down on her desk. Calm the hell down.
She closed her eyes, and the day came back to her.
The image of him walking away with another girl.
The thought of her future being stolen.
The empty ache as she let them hurt her.
She had changed her mind so many times, let them all touch her and break her and burn her, allowed them to allow her to be all alone.
It was cold, but there was no furnace in the fortress she had made for herself. She had done such a good job locking herself up, that she had forgotten which key to use.
Password: th*s *s *v*r
Password: my m*st*k*
Password: *'m s*rry
There was nothing she could do...
Password: ******
Access denied.
Password: ************
Access denied.
Password: ********
Access denied.
She was out of ideas. All she knew was that she had to get in.
Password: ******
Password: ***********
Password: ********
Denied, denied, denied.
"Ah!" she cried, smashing her hands against the keyboard. Calm down, she thought, putting her head down on her desk. Calm the hell down.
She closed her eyes, and the day came back to her.
The image of him walking away with another girl.
The thought of her future being stolen.
The empty ache as she let them hurt her.
She had changed her mind so many times, let them all touch her and break her and burn her, allowed them to allow her to be all alone.
It was cold, but there was no furnace in the fortress she had made for herself. She had done such a good job locking herself up, that she had forgotten which key to use.
Password: th*s *s *v*r
Password: my m*st*k*
Password: *'m s*rry
There was nothing she could do...
Friday, October 29, 2010
Update
Wow.
Hi.
Gotta umm...put this link on my favourites bar. Like dudeeeee really need to do that.
Okay so what happened today.
Umm...Laramie Project...is a great movie. Trying to make time to read The Handmaid's Tale. French...sorry Madame..........love you..................always....
Math...:) pretty nice. I like my class haha.
I saw a cool magic trick today. This grade 11 dude was like, "Pick a coin," and held up a dollar and a dime. I picked the dollar so he put it on this dish. Then he handed me a big pastic...water bottle/cup thing and told me to inspect it.
So THEN, he covered the dollar with the bottle, and then was like "WATCH". AND THEN HE PUSHED THE DIME INTO THE BOTTLE HOW HOW HOW.
...cool. Haha pretty funny guy too. :) I like magic guys!!
Hmm...I like JYJ...so...fun...
I'm bored...
NOTHING TO DOOOOOOOOOOO
Hi.
Gotta umm...put this link on my favourites bar. Like dudeeeee really need to do that.
Okay so what happened today.
Umm...Laramie Project...is a great movie. Trying to make time to read The Handmaid's Tale. French...sorry Madame..........love you..................always....
Math...:) pretty nice. I like my class haha.
I saw a cool magic trick today. This grade 11 dude was like, "Pick a coin," and held up a dollar and a dime. I picked the dollar so he put it on this dish. Then he handed me a big pastic...water bottle/cup thing and told me to inspect it.
So THEN, he covered the dollar with the bottle, and then was like "WATCH". AND THEN HE PUSHED THE DIME INTO THE BOTTLE HOW HOW HOW.
...cool. Haha pretty funny guy too. :) I like magic guys!!
Hmm...I like JYJ...so...fun...
I'm bored...
NOTHING TO DOOOOOOOOOOO
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Message
The rain falls on the window, and for once, the pathetic fallacy is perfectly aligned with the pathetic state of your life. You sit, waiting for inspiration to hit you, because you know that it’s out there. The phone rings, but you stay motionless. Anyone calling will ask you about your day, even telemarketers with bored, dull voices and foreign, hurried accents. You have no desire to talk, not right now, and not enough will power to stop, once started.
It goes to voicemail.
“Hi, you’ve reached 391-243-4919.” Your voice sounds happy. “No one was home to answer your call, but please leave a message, and I’ll get back to you soon. Have a great day!”
You wish it applied, but it’s your voice chirping from the machine, scratchy with static, and you can hardly take your own advice. The words have no meaning.
“Hey, I guess you’re not home, but I need a favour from you. Call me back, I’ll be home later, but I’ll call again. I really need your help. Talk to you later, I guess. Bye.”
The voice is familiar, but it makes you afraid. You get up and your bones creak. At least they work. Slowly, you walk to the answering machine. Play.
“Hi, you’ve reached 391-243-4919. No one was home to answer your call, but please leave a message, and we’ll get back to you soon. Have a great day!”
Again, you hang on to the idea that those last four words could apply to you. They sound warm, open, and you want to pretend that they came from the mouth of an old friend, so that you could open your tentative lips and say, “Thank you, you too.”
But you cut your tongue, zip your mouth and resist, because this would cross the line. You are too lonely to admit that only you can satisfy yourself as good company.
“1 new message.”
“Hey, I guess you’re not home, but I need a favour from you. Call me back, I’ll be home later, but I’ll call again. I really need your help. Talk to you later, I guess. Bye.”
Erase.
“No new messages.”
It goes to voicemail.
“Hi, you’ve reached 391-243-4919.” Your voice sounds happy. “No one was home to answer your call, but please leave a message, and I’ll get back to you soon. Have a great day!”
You wish it applied, but it’s your voice chirping from the machine, scratchy with static, and you can hardly take your own advice. The words have no meaning.
“Hey, I guess you’re not home, but I need a favour from you. Call me back, I’ll be home later, but I’ll call again. I really need your help. Talk to you later, I guess. Bye.”
The voice is familiar, but it makes you afraid. You get up and your bones creak. At least they work. Slowly, you walk to the answering machine. Play.
“Hi, you’ve reached 391-243-4919. No one was home to answer your call, but please leave a message, and we’ll get back to you soon. Have a great day!”
Again, you hang on to the idea that those last four words could apply to you. They sound warm, open, and you want to pretend that they came from the mouth of an old friend, so that you could open your tentative lips and say, “Thank you, you too.”
But you cut your tongue, zip your mouth and resist, because this would cross the line. You are too lonely to admit that only you can satisfy yourself as good company.
“1 new message.”
“Hey, I guess you’re not home, but I need a favour from you. Call me back, I’ll be home later, but I’ll call again. I really need your help. Talk to you later, I guess. Bye.”
Erase.
“No new messages.”
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Days
Not dreaming that much anymore.
I miss it, haha. Dreamed so much this summer, it was crazy.
I'll find a way back to it, somehow.
I miss it, haha. Dreamed so much this summer, it was crazy.
I'll find a way back to it, somehow.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Metric
...is genius.
Just saying.
Dunno how I feel.
It's a medium.
This week is gonna be crazy.
Let's...get at it.
Hoikity choik.
Just saying.
Dunno how I feel.
It's a medium.
This week is gonna be crazy.
Let's...get at it.
Hoikity choik.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Pathetic...
Yeah, I know, but I can't stop...
I just want something to come and sweep me into a hurricane of emotion and action, so I can ignore the disgusting hole that I feel inside of me. I'm swelling up with this pressure, this force...
I feel so sad all the time. I want to sleep...
And I get it. You don't want to be friends anymore.
It's really hard for me to let you go, you know?
But I feel like I have to, because I can't just sit around hurting all the time.
You don't even talk to me, so this should be easy.
But just thinking of before, sitting in your room.
And thinking of the future, applying for everything and whatnot.
And thinking of now, and how hard this is.
I'm freaking stressing out.
Where did all that brightness go?
Please come back please please I need it now so much please...
I just want something to come and sweep me into a hurricane of emotion and action, so I can ignore the disgusting hole that I feel inside of me. I'm swelling up with this pressure, this force...
I feel so sad all the time. I want to sleep...
And I get it. You don't want to be friends anymore.
It's really hard for me to let you go, you know?
But I feel like I have to, because I can't just sit around hurting all the time.
You don't even talk to me, so this should be easy.
But just thinking of before, sitting in your room.
And thinking of the future, applying for everything and whatnot.
And thinking of now, and how hard this is.
I'm freaking stressing out.
Where did all that brightness go?
Please come back please please I need it now so much please...
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Hi...
Lol you know...damn can't remember the name of the show...
OH FRIENDS. When Ross comes in, and he's depressed, he's always like, "Hi guys..."
Haha...I love that. I swear I'm Ross.
I had a pretty great day today. Getting used to my classes. Chilled with Cass at lunch. Got to see my boy SMILEEEEE.
...Not at me, but it's okay it's okay it's okay.
Volunteer is a little unsure for now, but I will put my faith into the universe and hope that it ends nicely. :( Pleaseeeeeee!
I feel like I'm coming down with something. Need to drink more water. Wow, I'm willingly drinking water. So grown-up.
Tomorrow is a blah day...But hopefully Cass will have lunch with us soon. (NO OFFENCE TO MY OTHER LUNCH LADIES + Tony.)
10:30 now. Tired. Need sleep...MIA...why...did we have a meeting..........
Confused..............
Going to do I dunno...waste time until bed time....
Night...........I love everyone. :)
PS: HOLIDAYS I CANT WAIT FOR HOLIDAYS.
:)
OH FRIENDS. When Ross comes in, and he's depressed, he's always like, "Hi guys..."
Haha...I love that. I swear I'm Ross.
I had a pretty great day today. Getting used to my classes. Chilled with Cass at lunch. Got to see my boy SMILEEEEE.
...Not at me, but it's okay it's okay it's okay.
Volunteer is a little unsure for now, but I will put my faith into the universe and hope that it ends nicely. :( Pleaseeeeeee!
I feel like I'm coming down with something. Need to drink more water. Wow, I'm willingly drinking water. So grown-up.
Tomorrow is a blah day...But hopefully Cass will have lunch with us soon. (NO OFFENCE TO MY OTHER LUNCH LADIES + Tony.)
10:30 now. Tired. Need sleep...MIA...why...did we have a meeting..........
Confused..............
Going to do I dunno...waste time until bed time....
Night...........I love everyone. :)
PS: HOLIDAYS I CANT WAIT FOR HOLIDAYS.
:)
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Art
I found a way to let you in
I never really had it coming
I can't believe the sight of you
I want you to stay away from my heart
Loving this right now.
:) Watch!
Been feeling kind of down, but I'm slowly making my way back up.
I've been thinking a lot (LOL SO THAT'S WHY I'M SAD!)
And I dunno, just feel like we all try to plug a hole inside of us
Some people will it with work, some with drugs
We all just do what we can to ignore it
I guess I can see where addiction and behaviour comes from
...morbid.
Go watch that vid. It's a cute video, great song. :)
Thursday, September 9, 2010
DAY SEVEN
Day seven: four turn offs.
1) Dishonesty. If you're going to lie to me, then I'd rather not know you. Sorry. Be blunt, be direct, be truthful, and I'll love you for it, even when you hurt me. Lol, because you will hurt me. Truth hurtsssssssss.
2) A.S.S. Attention Seeking Syndrome LOL I LOVE THAT HAHAHAHAA. It's lame. Stop it. Don't be all emo in a corner wanting people to comfort you. Don't be obnoxious and flaunt yourself in front of everyone. Huh.
3) Manipulative people. Can't stand them. Don't test me. Don't try to bend me to your will. Don't use me. Eff I can't stand people who take advantage of other people. Can't stand people with two faces, jeez.
4) Depressing people. Hey, I angst and worry enough for the world lol. Don't you go and be emo either. Don't have to be a SUNBEAM or anything, but yo, be chill at least. I like chill people...even though I'm not one of them.
This was fast. 5 min, wham bam thank you ma'am. So easy finding things I don't like jeez. >:( BADDDDDD.
1) Dishonesty. If you're going to lie to me, then I'd rather not know you. Sorry. Be blunt, be direct, be truthful, and I'll love you for it, even when you hurt me. Lol, because you will hurt me. Truth hurtsssssssss.
2) A.S.S. Attention Seeking Syndrome LOL I LOVE THAT HAHAHAHAA. It's lame. Stop it. Don't be all emo in a corner wanting people to comfort you. Don't be obnoxious and flaunt yourself in front of everyone. Huh.
3) Manipulative people. Can't stand them. Don't test me. Don't try to bend me to your will. Don't use me. Eff I can't stand people who take advantage of other people. Can't stand people with two faces, jeez.
4) Depressing people. Hey, I angst and worry enough for the world lol. Don't you go and be emo either. Don't have to be a SUNBEAM or anything, but yo, be chill at least. I like chill people...even though I'm not one of them.
This was fast. 5 min, wham bam thank you ma'am. So easy finding things I don't like jeez. >:( BADDDDDD.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
DAY 6
Day six: five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
No order + no family. Ohh....much more fun........Guesssss who?!
Gracey, Imma take your lead...;D since I like your style.
:( I miss you!!!!
1) My girl
2) My boy
3) My editor
4) My bucket...hold all my secrets...
5) My wife
If you think one of them is you...it probably is. If you don't you're there, but you want to be...you probably are there. It's all about you you you.
No order + no family. Ohh....much more fun........Guesssss who?!
Gracey, Imma take your lead...;D since I like your style.
:( I miss you!!!!
1) My girl
2) My boy
3) My editor
4) My bucket...hold all my secrets...
5) My wife
If you think one of them is you...it probably is. If you don't you're there, but you want to be...you probably are there. It's all about you you you.
DAY 5
Day five: six things you wish you’d never done.
Sorry sorry kind of late....
:) Anyways....
1) Write that dumbass story dammit. Lol Grace, you know what I'm talking about...;D
2) Let her take advantage of me AHHHHHH. >:| Should have told her to eff off.
3) Give away my first kiss so easily.
4) Deleting those emails, haha.
5) Not going to Shad...sort of. This is an iffy one.
6) Taking swimming too early. Taking piano too early. Now that I am old enough to use them, I can't, haha.
I don't regret anything. Lol, I'm sure I've said this before, but everything that happens to us happens for a reason and makes us who we are. We would not be who we are now if we did not go through what we have been through. DESTINYYYYYY.
I don't regret things that were painful or stupid, but who changed who I am. :S What's the pointtttttttt?
Sorry sorry kind of late....
:) Anyways....
1) Write that dumbass story dammit. Lol Grace, you know what I'm talking about...;D
2) Let her take advantage of me AHHHHHH. >:| Should have told her to eff off.
3) Give away my first kiss so easily.
4) Deleting those emails, haha.
5) Not going to Shad...sort of. This is an iffy one.
6) Taking swimming too early. Taking piano too early. Now that I am old enough to use them, I can't, haha.
I don't regret anything. Lol, I'm sure I've said this before, but everything that happens to us happens for a reason and makes us who we are. We would not be who we are now if we did not go through what we have been through. DESTINYYYYYY.
I don't regret things that were painful or stupid, but who changed who I am. :S What's the pointtttttttt?
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
DAY 4
Day four: seven things that cross your mind a lot.
1) Destiny. LOL SHUT UP I'M NOT LAME. I like thinking about these kind of things. Like...today, I could have walked two paths. I chose the longer path today. I wonder what would have changed if I took the shorter path.
2) Karma, God, mystic forces, w/e. When I have to make a decision or talk or do something, I seem to think about these things. Makes me wonder if I really am a good person or not. Dunno if I act on my own behalf or not. ==;;...eh
3) I'm a daydreamer. I make up my own plays in my head, imagine what I want to hear, impossible situations. You can take a walk with me in my head, when you're not around. ;D
4) Things to do. Stop being bored. Get up and do something! Read, take a walk, shower, w/e. Research, blah blah blah. Lame everyday life stuff.
5) Relationships, lol. That is a fancy way to say guys. Well, girls too. Family, people, w/e. I always think too much. 7 is too little!!!! I NEED MORE SPACE. WHAT ABOUT ALL THE DEAD DREADS I HAVE?! ALL THE WORRYING?! DUDEEEEEE I NEED MORE SPACE. I think about love. Philosophy...fml lame.
6) Huh, the coming future. Grade 12 looming. Hope it goes smoothly. Uni coming...ah. Living on my own...working...somewhere. GOING OUT INTO THE WORLD! LEAVING THE NEST! ...bah, can't think about it.
7) Myself. Stupid self-aware, over-thinking me. Worry worry worry worry worry dumb dumb socially inept. Lame.
Oh and of course,
You.
Who?
Bye.
1) Destiny. LOL SHUT UP I'M NOT LAME. I like thinking about these kind of things. Like...today, I could have walked two paths. I chose the longer path today. I wonder what would have changed if I took the shorter path.
2) Karma, God, mystic forces, w/e. When I have to make a decision or talk or do something, I seem to think about these things. Makes me wonder if I really am a good person or not. Dunno if I act on my own behalf or not. ==;;...eh
3) I'm a daydreamer. I make up my own plays in my head, imagine what I want to hear, impossible situations. You can take a walk with me in my head, when you're not around. ;D
4) Things to do. Stop being bored. Get up and do something! Read, take a walk, shower, w/e. Research, blah blah blah. Lame everyday life stuff.
5) Relationships, lol. That is a fancy way to say guys. Well, girls too. Family, people, w/e. I always think too much. 7 is too little!!!! I NEED MORE SPACE. WHAT ABOUT ALL THE DEAD DREADS I HAVE?! ALL THE WORRYING?! DUDEEEEEE I NEED MORE SPACE. I think about love. Philosophy...fml lame.
6) Huh, the coming future. Grade 12 looming. Hope it goes smoothly. Uni coming...ah. Living on my own...working...somewhere. GOING OUT INTO THE WORLD! LEAVING THE NEST! ...bah, can't think about it.
7) Myself. Stupid self-aware, over-thinking me. Worry worry worry worry worry dumb dumb socially inept. Lame.
Oh and of course,
You.
Who?
Bye.
Monday, August 23, 2010
DAY 3
Day three: eight ways to win your heart.
Oh boy oh boy oh boy where do we start?
1) Be funny. I always feel that funny guys get the girl. Because...hey, looks fade. In 50 years, we'll all look pretty similar. But if you're funny, that means 1) you're good with words, 2) you're smart, and 3) you'll always make me smile. :)
2) Be straight with me. Say what's on your mind, even if it makes you sort of a jerk. Honesty is sexyyyyyy. ;D
3) Stand up straight. I don't like when dudes hunch over or like...cower. Sort of just shows confidence. And on that note, be confident. Look me in the eyes when you talk to me.
4) This might be kind of shallow, but if you have a talent...fml it's cool. You don't even have to be that good. If you have a hobby, or rather, you just LIKE something, then it will be something I would want to share with you. Sports, music, w/e.
5) MAKE THE FIRST MOVE! Dudes, take this hint: yes, we've got feminism, but CHIVALRY IS ALIVE! Girls love that shizzle, so ask me out first. Ask me to dance. Ask me if I wanna hang out. Please! :)
6) I like guys who are cool, but warm up.
7) Tease me to high heavens. If we don't know each other well, this is a nice way to approach without seeming...too uptight and robotic. I'm a playful person. LOL I'm always looking for someone new to tap on the shoulder and run away. :( Ms Chipps and Grace are too smart...never works on them...
8) Be a man. A gentleman, preferably. :) C'mon, the ladies all know what that means!
:) Tried not to be superficial...........I think I did alright.
In all honesty, there's no key. Either I like you or a don't. You could have everything, and I might be like "enh". Dunno what changes how I feel, haha.
Oh boy oh boy oh boy where do we start?
1) Be funny. I always feel that funny guys get the girl. Because...hey, looks fade. In 50 years, we'll all look pretty similar. But if you're funny, that means 1) you're good with words, 2) you're smart, and 3) you'll always make me smile. :)
2) Be straight with me. Say what's on your mind, even if it makes you sort of a jerk. Honesty is sexyyyyyy. ;D
3) Stand up straight. I don't like when dudes hunch over or like...cower. Sort of just shows confidence. And on that note, be confident. Look me in the eyes when you talk to me.
4) This might be kind of shallow, but if you have a talent...fml it's cool. You don't even have to be that good. If you have a hobby, or rather, you just LIKE something, then it will be something I would want to share with you. Sports, music, w/e.
5) MAKE THE FIRST MOVE! Dudes, take this hint: yes, we've got feminism, but CHIVALRY IS ALIVE! Girls love that shizzle, so ask me out first. Ask me to dance. Ask me if I wanna hang out. Please! :)
6) I like guys who are cool, but warm up.
7) Tease me to high heavens. If we don't know each other well, this is a nice way to approach without seeming...too uptight and robotic. I'm a playful person. LOL I'm always looking for someone new to tap on the shoulder and run away. :( Ms Chipps and Grace are too smart...never works on them...
8) Be a man. A gentleman, preferably. :) C'mon, the ladies all know what that means!
:) Tried not to be superficial...........I think I did alright.
In all honesty, there's no key. Either I like you or a don't. You could have everything, and I might be like "enh". Dunno what changes how I feel, haha.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
DAY 2
Day two: nine things about yourself.
1) My favourite colour is pink. Yeah, yeah so original, I know, but this confession comes from years of self-denial!!! I told myself, "you can't like pink because that is for girls and you are not a 'girl'". Lame, but hey, I like pink. I like pink and shiny things and pretty things. There.
2) I think too much. ...makes me awkward and prematurely gray, but enh.
3) I really like everything about beaches, water, ocean, sea, w/e. I love rocks, sand, fish, shells. Every time I go to a beach or a lake or river, I bring home pocketfuls of shells and rocks and whatever else I manage to find. (FISH!!!)
4) If I take a bite of something with my left side, I'll have to take a bite of it on my right side too. If I pet a snake with my left hand, I'll have to feel it with my right hand too. Gotta keep it equal. Don't want any side of me to experience something more or less. :( Or else they might feel left out!
5) My favourite childhood stuffed animal was a bear called Mushu. It's real name (that was printed on his tag) was Evan. He was really soft, and wore blue corduroy feety pajamas. I carried him everywhere but eventually forgot about him. :(
6) I have a weird birth mark/thing on my left foot. It is so weird. People always ask me if it's a burn. It looks like it. The skin is raised and bumpy and tough. But no, it's not. I've had it since I was born. The doctor noticed two things of note about me: 1) my big feet and 2) my weirdo birth mark.
7) I check my closet before I go to bed. If I don't, I feel drawn towards it, and then I have to open my light and check it. If my feet are not on the bed, I'm scared they will be grabbed or SAWED OFF EWE. Lol, I'm scared of being kidnapped. ==;;...
8) The most played song in my music library w/e is called "三人游". It's about a love triangle. If you want, listen here. My favourite song is Casshern. Haha, it's also the song I want to be played at my funeral!
9) OH! Karma. I think that we all have our destinies, and every decision we make just brings us closer to what we are moving towards. There are no wrong choices, but that's where karma comes it. If you send out negative energy, it will come back to haunt you. Shh, I'm a woman of science but I believe in this!!!
Okay there are 9 things, but this one goes without saying.
I BELIEVE IN LOVE! :)
Done. Fml this took forever. Tried to keep it...not so mundane....(ps I love beads.)
1) My favourite colour is pink. Yeah, yeah so original, I know, but this confession comes from years of self-denial!!! I told myself, "you can't like pink because that is for girls and you are not a 'girl'". Lame, but hey, I like pink. I like pink and shiny things and pretty things. There.
2) I think too much. ...makes me awkward and prematurely gray, but enh.
3) I really like everything about beaches, water, ocean, sea, w/e. I love rocks, sand, fish, shells. Every time I go to a beach or a lake or river, I bring home pocketfuls of shells and rocks and whatever else I manage to find. (FISH!!!)
4) If I take a bite of something with my left side, I'll have to take a bite of it on my right side too. If I pet a snake with my left hand, I'll have to feel it with my right hand too. Gotta keep it equal. Don't want any side of me to experience something more or less. :( Or else they might feel left out!
5) My favourite childhood stuffed animal was a bear called Mushu. It's real name (that was printed on his tag) was Evan. He was really soft, and wore blue corduroy feety pajamas. I carried him everywhere but eventually forgot about him. :(
6) I have a weird birth mark/thing on my left foot. It is so weird. People always ask me if it's a burn. It looks like it. The skin is raised and bumpy and tough. But no, it's not. I've had it since I was born. The doctor noticed two things of note about me: 1) my big feet and 2) my weirdo birth mark.
7) I check my closet before I go to bed. If I don't, I feel drawn towards it, and then I have to open my light and check it. If my feet are not on the bed, I'm scared they will be grabbed or SAWED OFF EWE. Lol, I'm scared of being kidnapped. ==;;...
8) The most played song in my music library w/e is called "三人游". It's about a love triangle. If you want, listen here. My favourite song is Casshern. Haha, it's also the song I want to be played at my funeral!
9) OH! Karma. I think that we all have our destinies, and every decision we make just brings us closer to what we are moving towards. There are no wrong choices, but that's where karma comes it. If you send out negative energy, it will come back to haunt you. Shh, I'm a woman of science but I believe in this!!!
Okay there are 9 things, but this one goes without saying.
I BELIEVE IN LOVE! :)
Done. Fml this took forever. Tried to keep it...not so mundane....(ps I love beads.)
Saturday, August 21, 2010
DAY 1
Day one: ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
I've been blogging like mad today, but EFF IT. I like doing things on the computer that are "quiet" (eg, not Youtube or Wimp or videos. I like reading articles and writing, because then I can listen to music, haha.)
Do I even have 10 friends? ...lol. TT.
1) She's a fool.
2) How have you been feeling since then?
3) You're not alone.
4) Thanks for being my friend. I cherish you, y'know?
5) ...just go away. You have enough.
6) It's so easy!
7) What is this? What are we?
8) :S You're beautiful, stupid.
9) REPLY ALREADY, JEEZ!
10) Sorry to disappoint. Just give up, because I'm happy.
Done.
LOL TOOK SO LONG OMG.
I've been blogging like mad today, but EFF IT. I like doing things on the computer that are "quiet" (eg, not Youtube or Wimp or videos. I like reading articles and writing, because then I can listen to music, haha.)
Do I even have 10 friends? ...lol. TT.
1) She's a fool.
2) How have you been feeling since then?
3) You're not alone.
4) Thanks for being my friend. I cherish you, y'know?
5) ...just go away. You have enough.
6) It's so easy!
7) What is this? What are we?
8) :S You're beautiful, stupid.
9) REPLY ALREADY, JEEZ!
10) Sorry to disappoint. Just give up, because I'm happy.
Done.
LOL TOOK SO LONG OMG.
More
Finally, just a plain day.
Always ending up going out. $2 $2 $2.
Dunno what to do now though...just sitting here.
I guess I could research...my future.
Not now. Lol, I can't think about it.
Gonna keep avoiding that subject...
Knowing you makes me anxious.
It really does, if I'm being honest.
You've always known what you want, but I wonder if that is really what you want.
Haha, do you get it?
I've thought about it sometimes. Tried to. Can't.
But you've always known. Life Science. Med School. Doctor.
You sound so sure.
Amazing.
I'm not sure I can be like you, ever.
I kind of live in a dream, y'know?
I guess you don't have as many bottomless nights.
But I wonder if you are going so fast into that future
That you don't really notice, or really want to notice, the now.
I look at my girls and look at my boys and marvel.
Their smiles make me smile, their laughs make my day.
I want to hold on to their moments, my moments
There's success in this too.
I guess it's not worth money or fame or notation
Not something anyone will clap for you about
Not something anyone will know you for
Not something anyone will covet.
Well maybe I'll covet it, haha.
But it's worth something, right?
I'll figure out my future
It'll work out, because I believe it will.
Just the way it is.
I just keep realizing that happiness is not always what we want.
I have a handful of friends.
I'm so fucking awkward, haha.
I live in this beautiful terrible world.
I'm paranoid as hell.
I like a boy who will never grow up.
I'm worthless by standards.
I have no idea what I want.
I have no visible future, only ideas.
I am so fucking happy.
Maybe that's my strength. :S
A teacher once said that she saw me skipping down a hall one day, and that the look on my face was pure happiness. She said some people grow up and in their whole life, will never know happiness like that, and that I had already found it.
There are a million things that we will always be angry, confused, hurt about. There is so much crap, so much uncertainty. It bugs the hell out of me sometimes. But it will always be there. As long as we are interacting with each other, unperfect beingns, there will always be an imperfect world. There is industry in impurity, and industry in trying to fix it. These will always be industries, because it will never end.
Utopia is just an idea, and maybe it is just a peace we find in ourselves. A separate peace. (OMG ASP IS LIKE THE NOVEL OF A CENTURY JEEZ. I'VE BEEN PULLING FROM THAT BOOK FOR EVERYTHING HOLY. SORRY SORRY I TAKE IT BACK. I SAID IT WAS A BAD BOOK BUT DAMN I CAN'T STOP LEARNING FROM IT.)
Kay I'm about done.
1) Be happy now, it's all you can be sure about.
2) Work towards your future, but don't worry if it doesn't work out. It is never the end of the world (until 2012). There's always another way, y'know?
3) Read ASP, god dammit!!!!!!
4) Count your blessing then count your suckings and then enjoy them all.
5) I hope that everyone working for their goals is happy once they reach them. Sometimes, having a goal might just be plugging a hole. I guess it's better than drugs or alcohol, but once you reach that goal, the hole will still be there. Fix that shizzle, it won't go away.
And as Michelle Phan always says:
Good Luck.
Bye.
Always ending up going out. $2 $2 $2.
Dunno what to do now though...just sitting here.
I guess I could research...my future.
Not now. Lol, I can't think about it.
Gonna keep avoiding that subject...
Knowing you makes me anxious.
It really does, if I'm being honest.
You've always known what you want, but I wonder if that is really what you want.
Haha, do you get it?
I've thought about it sometimes. Tried to. Can't.
But you've always known. Life Science. Med School. Doctor.
You sound so sure.
Amazing.
I'm not sure I can be like you, ever.
I kind of live in a dream, y'know?
I guess you don't have as many bottomless nights.
But I wonder if you are going so fast into that future
That you don't really notice, or really want to notice, the now.
I look at my girls and look at my boys and marvel.
Their smiles make me smile, their laughs make my day.
I want to hold on to their moments, my moments
There's success in this too.
I guess it's not worth money or fame or notation
Not something anyone will clap for you about
Not something anyone will know you for
Not something anyone will covet.
Well maybe I'll covet it, haha.
But it's worth something, right?
I'll figure out my future
It'll work out, because I believe it will.
Just the way it is.
I just keep realizing that happiness is not always what we want.
I have a handful of friends.
I'm so fucking awkward, haha.
I live in this beautiful terrible world.
I'm paranoid as hell.
I like a boy who will never grow up.
I'm worthless by standards.
I have no idea what I want.
I have no visible future, only ideas.
I am so fucking happy.
Maybe that's my strength. :S
A teacher once said that she saw me skipping down a hall one day, and that the look on my face was pure happiness. She said some people grow up and in their whole life, will never know happiness like that, and that I had already found it.
There are a million things that we will always be angry, confused, hurt about. There is so much crap, so much uncertainty. It bugs the hell out of me sometimes. But it will always be there. As long as we are interacting with each other, unperfect beingns, there will always be an imperfect world. There is industry in impurity, and industry in trying to fix it. These will always be industries, because it will never end.
Utopia is just an idea, and maybe it is just a peace we find in ourselves. A separate peace. (OMG ASP IS LIKE THE NOVEL OF A CENTURY JEEZ. I'VE BEEN PULLING FROM THAT BOOK FOR EVERYTHING HOLY. SORRY SORRY I TAKE IT BACK. I SAID IT WAS A BAD BOOK BUT DAMN I CAN'T STOP LEARNING FROM IT.)
Kay I'm about done.
1) Be happy now, it's all you can be sure about.
2) Work towards your future, but don't worry if it doesn't work out. It is never the end of the world (until 2012). There's always another way, y'know?
3) Read ASP, god dammit!!!!!!
4) Count your blessing then count your suckings and then enjoy them all.
5) I hope that everyone working for their goals is happy once they reach them. Sometimes, having a goal might just be plugging a hole. I guess it's better than drugs or alcohol, but once you reach that goal, the hole will still be there. Fix that shizzle, it won't go away.
And as Michelle Phan always says:
Good Luck.
Bye.
YAY!
Day one: ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day two: nine things about yourself.
Day three: eight ways to win your heart.
Day four: seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day five: six things you wish you’d never done.
Day six: five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day seven: four turn offs.
Day eight: three turn ons.
Day nine: two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day ten: one confession.
:) I'm going to do it too. I don't care if it's not on Tumblr!!!!
I'LL DO IT WITH GRACE! (Ooooo, that could be taken 2 ways. 1) Gracefully. or 2) With Lee face. YAHHH!!!)
:) And Mandy.
Day two: nine things about yourself.
Day three: eight ways to win your heart.
Day four: seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day five: six things you wish you’d never done.
Day six: five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day seven: four turn offs.
Day eight: three turn ons.
Day nine: two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day ten: one confession.
:) I'm going to do it too. I don't care if it's not on Tumblr!!!!
I'LL DO IT WITH GRACE! (Ooooo, that could be taken 2 ways. 1) Gracefully. or 2) With Lee face. YAHHH!!!)
:) And Mandy.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Summer
Yo. So it's been a nice summer. Pretty chill.
It's winding down to an end, but it'll come again, y'know?
Huh it's just hard with this MIA stuff. Have to film the movie clip thing, but it's so hard to get everyone organized. Haha, teenagers are busy busy bees. (I'm free everyday, btw).
I saw Tony today. Just got back from China a few days ago. He's a little much sometimes, but I really think he's a fun friend. The atmosphere around him is always so light and playful. Haha, it's refreshing from ANGST MONSTERS. (MANGSTERS!)
He went to the expo in Shanghai, and got to visit 17 (or 19?) of the pavilions. Wow pavilions only has one L. Damn.
Lucky!!!!! VIP executive access....damn man. Haha yah, so we all got our souvenirs today. There were bracelets and keychains and back...patting things... Uhh...water bottles...dolls that never fell down. Perfume for Tony haha.
Watched Up! too...it was cute.
Yeah, nice day.
Huh, another thing. I feel like I've been having really bad karma lately. I feel like my mind doesn't think on it's own...
Sometimes I'll see someone or something and just feel neutral. For example, I'll see a picture of a girl. In my mind, I'll think, "Think bad thoughts." And all these bad things will come out of my mind's mouth. Things like "Stupid BH! She is so effing ugly, her hair is disgusting, she has the grossest chin, she looks like a man." But then I'll think, "What about good things?" And then I'll start tacking off nice things about her, like "she has the nicest hair colour, her skin is perfect, wow her eyes are so shiny."
...And then I sit there and huh. :S My opinions of people tend to change because of that dumb tendency. I think of myself as a really judgmental person, because I do take first impressions and little dumb details seriously. But then, the next time we meet, I would probably have judged and reprimanded and reconsidered you so many times that I end up nowhere. So every encounter is sort of new, because I start it all again. :S You might rub me completely the wrong way and then be awesome then yah.
...But then again, I am only vocal when I'm comfortable and only comfortable with time.
...Hmm...
...Why did I talk about karma?
Fml, this is the worst blog ever.
...Need practice dude. W/e, bye.
It's winding down to an end, but it'll come again, y'know?
Huh it's just hard with this MIA stuff. Have to film the movie clip thing, but it's so hard to get everyone organized. Haha, teenagers are busy busy bees. (I'm free everyday, btw).
I saw Tony today. Just got back from China a few days ago. He's a little much sometimes, but I really think he's a fun friend. The atmosphere around him is always so light and playful. Haha, it's refreshing from ANGST MONSTERS. (MANGSTERS!)
He went to the expo in Shanghai, and got to visit 17 (or 19?) of the pavilions. Wow pavilions only has one L. Damn.
Lucky!!!!! VIP executive access....damn man. Haha yah, so we all got our souvenirs today. There were bracelets and keychains and back...patting things... Uhh...water bottles...dolls that never fell down. Perfume for Tony haha.
Watched Up! too...it was cute.
Yeah, nice day.
Huh, another thing. I feel like I've been having really bad karma lately. I feel like my mind doesn't think on it's own...
Sometimes I'll see someone or something and just feel neutral. For example, I'll see a picture of a girl. In my mind, I'll think, "Think bad thoughts." And all these bad things will come out of my mind's mouth. Things like "Stupid BH! She is so effing ugly, her hair is disgusting, she has the grossest chin, she looks like a man." But then I'll think, "What about good things?" And then I'll start tacking off nice things about her, like "she has the nicest hair colour, her skin is perfect, wow her eyes are so shiny."
...And then I sit there and huh. :S My opinions of people tend to change because of that dumb tendency. I think of myself as a really judgmental person, because I do take first impressions and little dumb details seriously. But then, the next time we meet, I would probably have judged and reprimanded and reconsidered you so many times that I end up nowhere. So every encounter is sort of new, because I start it all again. :S You might rub me completely the wrong way and then be awesome then yah.
...But then again, I am only vocal when I'm comfortable and only comfortable with time.
...Hmm...
...Why did I talk about karma?
Fml, this is the worst blog ever.
...Need practice dude. W/e, bye.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Blogging
I miss blogging, but I dunno what to write about. I've been writing my stories. Kind of. Keep branching off into other things, lame. I had dreams but...not that interesting.
So how is everyone?
Good, okay, nice.
I'm feeling okay.
Okay that's it. Sorry nothing today. :(
So how is everyone?
Good, okay, nice.
I'm feeling okay.
Okay that's it. Sorry nothing today. :(
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Dream 7
Okay this one...man I wish I could remember it all...
I was in this restaurant, eating...noodles, I think. There was this family at the table next to us. They had two little girls, one named Molly the other named Sissy. Molly was just a baby, but both girls were able to talk. Haha they were really cute, and I was playing with them.
Then we were in the water. It was like a theme restaurant, and there were boards floating in the water with our food. I was playing with Molly, and taunting her with a spoon. She tried to swim over to me, but she sunk under the water. Her mom was screaming and I went down and grabbed her. I sunk down to the bottom of the pool, then pushed off with my legs to the top.
Molly survived, but after that, there was this huge scandal/dilemma about it. She was still in the hospital, but she was alive. The press blamed her mom for not taking care of her properly, and the police kept trying to talk to me and witnesses. I was trying to avoid them in a bar, and there was a tv show on about another tragedy. Some guy died because he caught a football wrong, and I guess it hit his head?
I didn't really understand why Molly's accident was a tragedy, because well, she was alive. But anyways, I kept walking through the mall, avoiding those reporter dudes. I was with Sally, Grace and Mandy, but we branched off for a bit to buy food. It was...sort of FV, but darker and the layout was different.
For some reason, the whole school was in that mall. I was walking around, and then I saw him standing near some stairs with a guy and two girls. "He's alive." I thought to myself. Haha I had my hood on, and I was wearing a black and white sweater with circles all over it. So I just walked passed them, admiring from afar. When they were out of view, I took off my hood, and kept walking.
Then I felt a tugging on my hood, and I looked back, and bam, there he was. He was wearing a red jacket and khakis...fml. SO. We talked for a bit, and I was really happy, haha. He said he was buying something to eat, and I blurted out, "Eat with me!". He just smiled at me and said no.
So yah, we parted ways, I went back to find my girls. I went into this store with Alice, Marina and Wenxiao, and we were looking at mirrors. I was buying Alice a bday gift, and she liked this three paneled mirror, but it cost $195! We looked at hair stuff and necklaces and other stuff, but she didn't really find anything she liked. I tried on this headband thing, and I had straight bangs. Alice then grabbed my hand, and she lifted me right off the ground. I was like "WTF WTF". She put me down, and I snuck out of the story, leaving them there. (OMG WTF SNUCK ISN'T A WORK. THE PAST TENSE OF SNEAK IS SUPPOSED TO BE SNEAKED. W.T.F. WOW.)
Anyways, I ran out and made it to this really really crowded staircase. I guess the mall was closing, but I found Sally and Grace on the stairs. Sally was at the bottom of the stairs and Grace was coming down behind her. Then a freaking car bashed through the mall, and people were everywhere, panicking.
Then the mall became the school, and we weren't allowed to leave. There was this dictator, and he was basically controlling everything. We had to do mundane jobs, and there was going to be this big ceremony thing, and we had to prepare for it. My first job was cutting chocolate cookies into thin little strips. I was like "EFF THIS, I'M LEAVING, THIS IS NOT REAL, YOU ARE JUST BRAINWASHING EVERYONE."
They gave me a handler, and I got a new job. Cutting sushi. I had to cut them and arrange them. Soon, I became so engrossed in that job, I just forgot about everything else. People came to try to rescue me, but all I could do was cut and arrange sushi. They were all different sizes, and I had to put them on the board, in a neat and space efficient way. Then the sushi changed into this green vegetable. The job was the same. Cut, arrange. FML, I liked that job so much. :S Yup.
THAT'S ALL. :)
I was in this restaurant, eating...noodles, I think. There was this family at the table next to us. They had two little girls, one named Molly the other named Sissy. Molly was just a baby, but both girls were able to talk. Haha they were really cute, and I was playing with them.
Then we were in the water. It was like a theme restaurant, and there were boards floating in the water with our food. I was playing with Molly, and taunting her with a spoon. She tried to swim over to me, but she sunk under the water. Her mom was screaming and I went down and grabbed her. I sunk down to the bottom of the pool, then pushed off with my legs to the top.
Molly survived, but after that, there was this huge scandal/dilemma about it. She was still in the hospital, but she was alive. The press blamed her mom for not taking care of her properly, and the police kept trying to talk to me and witnesses. I was trying to avoid them in a bar, and there was a tv show on about another tragedy. Some guy died because he caught a football wrong, and I guess it hit his head?
I didn't really understand why Molly's accident was a tragedy, because well, she was alive. But anyways, I kept walking through the mall, avoiding those reporter dudes. I was with Sally, Grace and Mandy, but we branched off for a bit to buy food. It was...sort of FV, but darker and the layout was different.
For some reason, the whole school was in that mall. I was walking around, and then I saw him standing near some stairs with a guy and two girls. "He's alive." I thought to myself. Haha I had my hood on, and I was wearing a black and white sweater with circles all over it. So I just walked passed them, admiring from afar. When they were out of view, I took off my hood, and kept walking.
Then I felt a tugging on my hood, and I looked back, and bam, there he was. He was wearing a red jacket and khakis...fml. SO. We talked for a bit, and I was really happy, haha. He said he was buying something to eat, and I blurted out, "Eat with me!". He just smiled at me and said no.
So yah, we parted ways, I went back to find my girls. I went into this store with Alice, Marina and Wenxiao, and we were looking at mirrors. I was buying Alice a bday gift, and she liked this three paneled mirror, but it cost $195! We looked at hair stuff and necklaces and other stuff, but she didn't really find anything she liked. I tried on this headband thing, and I had straight bangs. Alice then grabbed my hand, and she lifted me right off the ground. I was like "WTF WTF". She put me down, and I snuck out of the story, leaving them there. (OMG WTF SNUCK ISN'T A WORK. THE PAST TENSE OF SNEAK IS SUPPOSED TO BE SNEAKED. W.T.F. WOW.)
Anyways, I ran out and made it to this really really crowded staircase. I guess the mall was closing, but I found Sally and Grace on the stairs. Sally was at the bottom of the stairs and Grace was coming down behind her. Then a freaking car bashed through the mall, and people were everywhere, panicking.
Then the mall became the school, and we weren't allowed to leave. There was this dictator, and he was basically controlling everything. We had to do mundane jobs, and there was going to be this big ceremony thing, and we had to prepare for it. My first job was cutting chocolate cookies into thin little strips. I was like "EFF THIS, I'M LEAVING, THIS IS NOT REAL, YOU ARE JUST BRAINWASHING EVERYONE."
They gave me a handler, and I got a new job. Cutting sushi. I had to cut them and arrange them. Soon, I became so engrossed in that job, I just forgot about everything else. People came to try to rescue me, but all I could do was cut and arrange sushi. They were all different sizes, and I had to put them on the board, in a neat and space efficient way. Then the sushi changed into this green vegetable. The job was the same. Cut, arrange. FML, I liked that job so much. :S Yup.
THAT'S ALL. :)
Friday, August 6, 2010
Just Saying
:) Have to give credit: http://www.etsy.com/people/berkleyillustration
If I had Discovery Channel, I would be watching Shark Week until I barfed sharks. You wouldn't see me for a week.
...huh...:( Sharks...
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Dream 6
...huh...
You know when you have dreams that are really, really good? The ones where you don't want to wake up, because they are exactly what you want your life to be? I dunno what y'all want, but I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. And when you do eventually wake up, you are so depressed for the rest of the day, because all you can think about is how great your dream life was and "WHY CAN'T MY LIFE BE LIKE THAT?!".
Well, anyways, that's happy dreams. Whether your meeting GD or Jason Mraz or whatever your fetish is...:( Sad...
Okay, well I had a really really SAD dream last night, and I am SAD now. It was so...ugh depressing.
So it started off in summer school, sort of. But I was taking English instead of Physics, and my teacher was my husband. ...Yeah. So we were given a book list, and we had to pick one book to do an essay/final assignment/culminating thing on. Of course, being us, we tried to pick the teacher's brain to figure out the questions and which books would be the easiest to write about.
Well, we were in the library, choosing our books. I went home, ate dinner with my husband (LOL WTF.) We were all cartoons, like Disney cartoons. I was Cinderella, dunno why. He was kind of fat with grey hair. But then when he took off his wig, he had black hair.
...Yeah.
He was older than me, but I guess I loved him a lot. We didn't have any kids, but I know I wanted kids. Anyways, one day, I think I went grocery shopping. I bought an orange bell pepper, yellow bell pepper, a coconut, some bananas and a cantaloupe. I think after I got back from the supermarket, he was already dead. There were firemen and stuff, talking talking talking, and I just wanted to die. I felt so sad, and I just stayed in my house and cried for a really long time. Eventually I went outside again and started "living", but I was more of a shell than a person.
One day, I was going to this therapy session that my parents wanted me to go to. I dunno, I felt like I was still hurting, but their grief was long gone, which is understandable. I was just walking, numbly, my feet barely moving, to the therapists house. I passed my brothers house, and he was playing outside with his daughter. ...They were both white, I dunno.
Yeah, so I was carrying around the groceries I bought the day he died. The peppers had these dry brown spots on them, and I guess the rest of the stuff was getting soft and bad, but I still carried that tattered bag everywhere I went. But today, I left it with my brother. I told him, "Here, keep this for me. I can't take it to the therapist, they won't like that. But I might want it when I come back, so take care of it for me." I think out of everyone, he was the most understanding towards me. His daughter asked why I was carrying around rotten groceries, but he just hushed her, and saw me off. Yeah, he was definitely the nicest to me..
Okay, so I got to the house, and Silvia opened the door for me. She kind of looked at me funny, and said, "Hi, glad you could make it. You're late." I think she was the receptionist, because she was really formal to me.
I passed by another couch, and there was this lady from my church. She smiled at me, and said, "You're late."
...I was kind of getting pissed, because MY HUSBAND DIED YOU INSENSITIVE TWATS and I WAS NOT LATE (haha felt like Mandy and Mao moment, WOAH).
Okay, so I got to the kitchen place where I guess the therapy was going to happen. It was a bunch of Chinese ladies from church, and my mom. That dumb lady therapist kept shaking my hand, touching my hands. I was just like "...". I hated it, it was so stupid. They kept talking as if I wasn't there. They were talking about God and how they should read my chat logs to see if I turned away from him and the church and how I needed to let go of this.
I guess I was kind of in shock and totally numb for the last few months, but then I started to get mad. They had no right to look in my chat logs (LMFAO WTF THEY ARE JUST CHAT LOGS!!) and they should just let me DEAL WITH IT myself. God worst therapists ever.
I turned to my mom and told her, "Mom, this is STUPID." I guess it shocked them, because I hadn't really spoken, much less with emotion, to anyone in a long time. I went on, telling her that I didn't want to come here anymore and that this therapist was stupid.
She told me, "Her methods are good. Shaking someone's hand can show a lot about the person. Just be patient."
Haha, so THAT'S why she was shaking my hand. Still, I was pissed, and I told her, "I DON'T CARE. I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS. WHY DOESN'T ANYONE CARE ABOUT HOW I FEEL? WHY ISN'T ANYONE ASKING MY OPINION."
She just turned to me and said, "No one cares about your opinion. It doesn't matter."
:S...They went grocery shopping. I guess I followed, but I left later. I feel so sad thinking about the walk home. The day was bright, but I just dragged my feet listlessly. Huh...
You know when you have dreams that are really, really good? The ones where you don't want to wake up, because they are exactly what you want your life to be? I dunno what y'all want, but I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. And when you do eventually wake up, you are so depressed for the rest of the day, because all you can think about is how great your dream life was and "WHY CAN'T MY LIFE BE LIKE THAT?!".
Well, anyways, that's happy dreams. Whether your meeting GD or Jason Mraz or whatever your fetish is...:( Sad...
Okay, well I had a really really SAD dream last night, and I am SAD now. It was so...ugh depressing.
So it started off in summer school, sort of. But I was taking English instead of Physics, and my teacher was my husband. ...Yeah. So we were given a book list, and we had to pick one book to do an essay/final assignment/culminating thing on. Of course, being us, we tried to pick the teacher's brain to figure out the questions and which books would be the easiest to write about.
Well, we were in the library, choosing our books. I went home, ate dinner with my husband (LOL WTF.) We were all cartoons, like Disney cartoons. I was Cinderella, dunno why. He was kind of fat with grey hair. But then when he took off his wig, he had black hair.
...Yeah.
He was older than me, but I guess I loved him a lot. We didn't have any kids, but I know I wanted kids. Anyways, one day, I think I went grocery shopping. I bought an orange bell pepper, yellow bell pepper, a coconut, some bananas and a cantaloupe. I think after I got back from the supermarket, he was already dead. There were firemen and stuff, talking talking talking, and I just wanted to die. I felt so sad, and I just stayed in my house and cried for a really long time. Eventually I went outside again and started "living", but I was more of a shell than a person.
One day, I was going to this therapy session that my parents wanted me to go to. I dunno, I felt like I was still hurting, but their grief was long gone, which is understandable. I was just walking, numbly, my feet barely moving, to the therapists house. I passed my brothers house, and he was playing outside with his daughter. ...They were both white, I dunno.
Yeah, so I was carrying around the groceries I bought the day he died. The peppers had these dry brown spots on them, and I guess the rest of the stuff was getting soft and bad, but I still carried that tattered bag everywhere I went. But today, I left it with my brother. I told him, "Here, keep this for me. I can't take it to the therapist, they won't like that. But I might want it when I come back, so take care of it for me." I think out of everyone, he was the most understanding towards me. His daughter asked why I was carrying around rotten groceries, but he just hushed her, and saw me off. Yeah, he was definitely the nicest to me..
Okay, so I got to the house, and Silvia opened the door for me. She kind of looked at me funny, and said, "Hi, glad you could make it. You're late." I think she was the receptionist, because she was really formal to me.
I passed by another couch, and there was this lady from my church. She smiled at me, and said, "You're late."
...I was kind of getting pissed, because MY HUSBAND DIED YOU INSENSITIVE TWATS and I WAS NOT LATE (haha felt like Mandy and Mao moment, WOAH).
Okay, so I got to the kitchen place where I guess the therapy was going to happen. It was a bunch of Chinese ladies from church, and my mom. That dumb lady therapist kept shaking my hand, touching my hands. I was just like "...". I hated it, it was so stupid. They kept talking as if I wasn't there. They were talking about God and how they should read my chat logs to see if I turned away from him and the church and how I needed to let go of this.
I guess I was kind of in shock and totally numb for the last few months, but then I started to get mad. They had no right to look in my chat logs (LMFAO WTF THEY ARE JUST CHAT LOGS!!) and they should just let me DEAL WITH IT myself. God worst therapists ever.
I turned to my mom and told her, "Mom, this is STUPID." I guess it shocked them, because I hadn't really spoken, much less with emotion, to anyone in a long time. I went on, telling her that I didn't want to come here anymore and that this therapist was stupid.
She told me, "Her methods are good. Shaking someone's hand can show a lot about the person. Just be patient."
Haha, so THAT'S why she was shaking my hand. Still, I was pissed, and I told her, "I DON'T CARE. I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS. WHY DOESN'T ANYONE CARE ABOUT HOW I FEEL? WHY ISN'T ANYONE ASKING MY OPINION."
She just turned to me and said, "No one cares about your opinion. It doesn't matter."
:S...They went grocery shopping. I guess I followed, but I left later. I feel so sad thinking about the walk home. The day was bright, but I just dragged my feet listlessly. Huh...
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Gracey
Gracey Happy birthday.
I hope you have a great one.
Let's make this a lovely year together, okay?
One day, when we are old and gray, when
Vanity and selfishness are gone
Even when our youth is fading
You and I will stay forever young.
Only time will tell, but I've always been a believer.
Us is the only thing I can count on.
Save me a dance at your wedding
Obviously, you'll be dancing mostly with GD.
May you get everything you wish for.
Until tomorrow, when we meet again.
Can't swim, but I'm excited nonetheless.
Happy birthday pretty lady.
You two are the only ones to inspire acrostic poems from me.
Haha, fml these bring back bad memories.
But you bring back good ones.
So I guess it's worth it, in the end.
HBD.
I hope you have a great one.
Let's make this a lovely year together, okay?
One day, when we are old and gray, when
Vanity and selfishness are gone
Even when our youth is fading
You and I will stay forever young.
Only time will tell, but I've always been a believer.
Us is the only thing I can count on.
Save me a dance at your wedding
Obviously, you'll be dancing mostly with GD.
May you get everything you wish for.
Until tomorrow, when we meet again.
Can't swim, but I'm excited nonetheless.
Happy birthday pretty lady.
You two are the only ones to inspire acrostic poems from me.
Haha, fml these bring back bad memories.
But you bring back good ones.
So I guess it's worth it, in the end.
HBD.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Dream 5
This dream was...yah, let's just get on with it.
So I was living my normal life, just day-to-day stuff. But then, one day, they found out my brother could smell oil in the ground. Lol, what a talent! So yah, some oil tycoony people caught wind of that, and kidnapped my brother and our family (and some of my friends, wtf) to Afghanistan. They wanted him to sniff out the oil underground.
Anyways, we lived in a really, really nice house. It was a mansion, but it had men in black suits and sunglasses everywhere, watching us. We were all together, and I even had some of my friends (here's to you, Gracey). I guess it was nice, but we weren't happy. We were allowed to go out and stuff, but we would always be tracked and followed by men in black (hahaha that's a movie). We had freedom but we didn't.
So life went on, I guess my brother was still useful, so we kept sticking around. Then one night, my mom brought a doctor to me, because my stomach was hurting SO MUCH. I was just gonna roll over and die from the pain, it hurt so bad. I lay there and he checked me over and w/e, but there was nothing he could do.
Then one night, the front door was unlocked!! I woke everyone up, and we escaped into the night. Of course, when morning came, we realized our mistake. We had no way to get home, no passports or anything. We were in an unfamiliar place. Yah, so we walked around in the morning, trying to avoid the men in black. I met up with Grace and this girl with red curly hair, and they told us about the situation at the house. There was also this huge water slide.
I don't know how but we eventually did get back home. My friends and I went to FV for some reason, and we were walking around and I thought, "Hmm, he should be back by now, it's almost been a month." And surely enough, as we walked by the food court, I saw him. It was weird though, because he saw me too and just kind of ignored me. But the weirdest thing was he was dressed like a gangster (Sorry, sorry I know that's stereotyping, but he was!) He was with a white kid and two black kids and they were just walking around the mall. I was pissed because he didn't tell me he was back!
So I went to school, and my stomach was still hurting really bad. I went to my summer school Physics teacher, who in the dream was like a bio teacher or something, and told him my problem. He made me describe the feeling and the pain and the time frame for each time. (By then I had figured out that I had my period). He drew this graph, a 1/x graph (You know, the one with the asymptotes?). He explained that the first period is always the worst, because I had a lot of Sulphorous dexride in me. He connected all the dots and drew a few more to fill in the blanks. He said that if I wanted to stop the hurt, I would have to burn up all of that chemical inside me. Each time I had my period, the amount of chemical would get less and less, but it would never reach 0.
Enlightened, I went back to find a bathroom. The closest one was a staff bathroom, but I knew it would be fine because I was MIA. ...Right. So anyways, I went in, and this teacher saw me and asked me, "What time is it?"
I told her "There's 2 minutes left of lunch."
She said, "Exactly. Go to the bathroom on the other side."
To get to that one, I would have to go outside and walk all the way around. Yah, she pissed me off, and I just went to the staff bathroom. :S That was yesterday's dream. Haha, I woke up and realized, hey I do have my period.
...that's all, go home. :)
So I was living my normal life, just day-to-day stuff. But then, one day, they found out my brother could smell oil in the ground. Lol, what a talent! So yah, some oil tycoony people caught wind of that, and kidnapped my brother and our family (and some of my friends, wtf) to Afghanistan. They wanted him to sniff out the oil underground.
Anyways, we lived in a really, really nice house. It was a mansion, but it had men in black suits and sunglasses everywhere, watching us. We were all together, and I even had some of my friends (here's to you, Gracey). I guess it was nice, but we weren't happy. We were allowed to go out and stuff, but we would always be tracked and followed by men in black (hahaha that's a movie). We had freedom but we didn't.
So life went on, I guess my brother was still useful, so we kept sticking around. Then one night, my mom brought a doctor to me, because my stomach was hurting SO MUCH. I was just gonna roll over and die from the pain, it hurt so bad. I lay there and he checked me over and w/e, but there was nothing he could do.
Then one night, the front door was unlocked!! I woke everyone up, and we escaped into the night. Of course, when morning came, we realized our mistake. We had no way to get home, no passports or anything. We were in an unfamiliar place. Yah, so we walked around in the morning, trying to avoid the men in black. I met up with Grace and this girl with red curly hair, and they told us about the situation at the house. There was also this huge water slide.
I don't know how but we eventually did get back home. My friends and I went to FV for some reason, and we were walking around and I thought, "Hmm, he should be back by now, it's almost been a month." And surely enough, as we walked by the food court, I saw him. It was weird though, because he saw me too and just kind of ignored me. But the weirdest thing was he was dressed like a gangster (Sorry, sorry I know that's stereotyping, but he was!) He was with a white kid and two black kids and they were just walking around the mall. I was pissed because he didn't tell me he was back!
So I went to school, and my stomach was still hurting really bad. I went to my summer school Physics teacher, who in the dream was like a bio teacher or something, and told him my problem. He made me describe the feeling and the pain and the time frame for each time. (By then I had figured out that I had my period). He drew this graph, a 1/x graph (You know, the one with the asymptotes?). He explained that the first period is always the worst, because I had a lot of Sulphorous dexride in me. He connected all the dots and drew a few more to fill in the blanks. He said that if I wanted to stop the hurt, I would have to burn up all of that chemical inside me. Each time I had my period, the amount of chemical would get less and less, but it would never reach 0.
Enlightened, I went back to find a bathroom. The closest one was a staff bathroom, but I knew it would be fine because I was MIA. ...Right. So anyways, I went in, and this teacher saw me and asked me, "What time is it?"
I told her "There's 2 minutes left of lunch."
She said, "Exactly. Go to the bathroom on the other side."
To get to that one, I would have to go outside and walk all the way around. Yah, she pissed me off, and I just went to the staff bathroom. :S That was yesterday's dream. Haha, I woke up and realized, hey I do have my period.
...that's all, go home. :)
Friday, July 30, 2010
Before
If you could see who I was before, who I really was, you would either hate me or pity me. I can't stand that.
I was once telling stories to a friend, and they told me, "hold up. Are you lying to me? You're making this up."
"What do you mean? It's all true."
"It doesn't sound like you. The entire mood is wrong."
...Yah, I hate her too.
I hate who she was and I pity the hell out of her. Sucks that it was me. I'm writing again. Partly inspired by that girl's book. I've been reading it every night before I go to bed. The sections are short and pretty interesting. I just skip the ones that don't interest me. But she has interesting things to say, and I like to read them.
So I've been starting on Windows, because it is the most outstanding piece of work I have (by outstanding, I mean unfinished, like an outstanding bill. Not like WOW IT'S AWESOME.) Haha, writing it is nice. I enjoy myself, sort of. But I have to read all the emails and chat logs again, and it's kind of depressing. I see who I was and I almost want to cry again, because the angst is so deep.
Ugh, I HATE her. She's the kind of person people look at and shake their heads in disbelief over.
Even though you hurt me, I was a terrible girlfriend. Always was.
What about now? I don't even know. It's been a while, since I've had to act that part, and I think that will continue. I'm happy now, finally. I don't think I could go back to that.
OKAY I took a break from writing, and I talked to a bunch of peeps and now I'm happy again. :D YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
BYE EMO JENN HOPE I NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN. :) You were in for a while, but now you are so out. You are on an event horizon. ;D
I was once telling stories to a friend, and they told me, "hold up. Are you lying to me? You're making this up."
"What do you mean? It's all true."
"It doesn't sound like you. The entire mood is wrong."
...Yah, I hate her too.
I hate who she was and I pity the hell out of her. Sucks that it was me. I'm writing again. Partly inspired by that girl's book. I've been reading it every night before I go to bed. The sections are short and pretty interesting. I just skip the ones that don't interest me. But she has interesting things to say, and I like to read them.
So I've been starting on Windows, because it is the most outstanding piece of work I have (by outstanding, I mean unfinished, like an outstanding bill. Not like WOW IT'S AWESOME.) Haha, writing it is nice. I enjoy myself, sort of. But I have to read all the emails and chat logs again, and it's kind of depressing. I see who I was and I almost want to cry again, because the angst is so deep.
Ugh, I HATE her. She's the kind of person people look at and shake their heads in disbelief over.
Even though you hurt me, I was a terrible girlfriend. Always was.
What about now? I don't even know. It's been a while, since I've had to act that part, and I think that will continue. I'm happy now, finally. I don't think I could go back to that.
OKAY I took a break from writing, and I talked to a bunch of peeps and now I'm happy again. :D YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
BYE EMO JENN HOPE I NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN. :) You were in for a while, but now you are so out. You are on an event horizon. ;D
:S
I used to feel a little sympathy for you, because I loved you. But we broke down, and you became so flawed in such a short amount of time that I could not take it.
But here is something, if anything, that I hope for you. I hope in the end, you can be honest with yourself, and stop hiding behind defenses. You always blamed me for being anti-social, and I believed that was true. But I met some people that made me think otherwise. I'm sorry, I'm not a butterfly, I can't be like you. I don't know if I want to...
I do not think I can trust someone who embraces everyone in the whole world. What does that trust mean, if in the end, it belongs to everyone?
Sharing is caring, but...haha not now.
You know, there was once an old lady who fell down on the street. No one would touch her. People would just walk by her and leave her on the ground. This little 14 year old girl rode her bike over and tried to help her up. The lady struggled and screamed and would not let that little girl go. She said that the girl knocked her down, and made a huge fuss. I think there was even a lawsuit, but I'm not sure on that.
I don't know where I'm going with that. Something with trust I guess. Just sucks, that we can't even help others without being stabbed in the back anymore.
Oh yah, back to the beginning.
Haha, I dunno my point.
1) Don't make promises - especially ones to yourself - that you can't keep.
2) Don't diagnose other people. You don't know them.
3) Save the trust. Means more if it's worth something, and even more if it's real.
4) Help others. A world this beautiful deserves some people who are just as beautiful. :S We were all born the same way...Nature vs Nurture haha. Anyways...
5) When people are in pain, listen to them. Keep the conversation on them. Maybe it is awkward, but don't change the subject to something mundane and childishly irrelevant.
Yup.
But here is something, if anything, that I hope for you. I hope in the end, you can be honest with yourself, and stop hiding behind defenses. You always blamed me for being anti-social, and I believed that was true. But I met some people that made me think otherwise. I'm sorry, I'm not a butterfly, I can't be like you. I don't know if I want to...
I do not think I can trust someone who embraces everyone in the whole world. What does that trust mean, if in the end, it belongs to everyone?
Sharing is caring, but...haha not now.
You know, there was once an old lady who fell down on the street. No one would touch her. People would just walk by her and leave her on the ground. This little 14 year old girl rode her bike over and tried to help her up. The lady struggled and screamed and would not let that little girl go. She said that the girl knocked her down, and made a huge fuss. I think there was even a lawsuit, but I'm not sure on that.
I don't know where I'm going with that. Something with trust I guess. Just sucks, that we can't even help others without being stabbed in the back anymore.
Oh yah, back to the beginning.
Haha, I dunno my point.
1) Don't make promises - especially ones to yourself - that you can't keep.
2) Don't diagnose other people. You don't know them.
3) Save the trust. Means more if it's worth something, and even more if it's real.
4) Help others. A world this beautiful deserves some people who are just as beautiful. :S We were all born the same way...Nature vs Nurture haha. Anyways...
5) When people are in pain, listen to them. Keep the conversation on them. Maybe it is awkward, but don't change the subject to something mundane and childishly irrelevant.
Yup.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
RIGHT NOW
GO WATCH THIS:
Valentine - Kina Grannis
Haha, this is my kind of music...
Let's just pretend it's February 14th. :)
Valentine - Kina Grannis
Haha, this is my kind of music...
Let's just pretend it's February 14th. :)
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Cccccccccccc
“Spiteful words can hurt your feelings but silence breaks your heart.”
I feel like noise is an ugly word.
"Your silence speaks volumes."
I'm thinking of sounds, but I don't want a speech.
“Lying is done with words and also with silence.”
This VOID, what is this empty calm?
It's bed time.
And shut up time.
2nd quote is one that I like.
The less words we have to work with, the more we say.
I always end up writing too much, because I lie to get around the fact that I don't know what I am saying.
Sorry, teachers. It's a pain...
Good night.
I feel like noise is an ugly word.
"Your silence speaks volumes."
I'm thinking of sounds, but I don't want a speech.
“Lying is done with words and also with silence.”
This VOID, what is this empty calm?
It's bed time.
And shut up time.
2nd quote is one that I like.
The less words we have to work with, the more we say.
I always end up writing too much, because I lie to get around the fact that I don't know what I am saying.
Sorry, teachers. It's a pain...
Good night.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Chill Out Chair
Deep breaths girl.
Time to just chill out. Forget the day. Move on.
1) Physics is kind of stressing me out. But what will be will be, so I'll just let it settle itself.
2) Between girls, there will never be peace. Lol, that's just how we roll. We angst, we BH, we BS, we badmouth. Dramarama 24/7. But we forgive and we love and we laugh together in the end. Always. It won't always be this tough.
3) Between girls and boys, there will always be different levels of emotion. Haha, all people seem to want to talk about, hear about, make movies about, is love and its various forms. I want to push that aside, if just for tonight. I just want to be me (with no net forces acting upon me. (Lol Fnet = 0, so I am travelling at a constant velocity, eg, no change. No outside forces, so, momentum is conserved. What I have going into something will be what I have going out. LOL WASN'T THAT COOL WHAT I JUST DID THERE?)
4) Between boys...LOL WHO AM I KIDDING I DON'T UNDERSTAND DUDES. I'm getting there, slowly. Getting over my fears. Trust knows no gender, that's what I know for sure.
5) If you've got a problem, come talk to me, I'm all yours.
That's all for tonight.
(If all else fails, just be straight with yourself and be straight with each other. Peace, lovelies.)
Time to just chill out. Forget the day. Move on.
1) Physics is kind of stressing me out. But what will be will be, so I'll just let it settle itself.
2) Between girls, there will never be peace. Lol, that's just how we roll. We angst, we BH, we BS, we badmouth. Dramarama 24/7. But we forgive and we love and we laugh together in the end. Always. It won't always be this tough.
3) Between girls and boys, there will always be different levels of emotion. Haha, all people seem to want to talk about, hear about, make movies about, is love and its various forms. I want to push that aside, if just for tonight. I just want to be me (with no net forces acting upon me. (Lol Fnet = 0, so I am travelling at a constant velocity, eg, no change. No outside forces, so, momentum is conserved. What I have going into something will be what I have going out. LOL WASN'T THAT COOL WHAT I JUST DID THERE?)
4) Between boys...LOL WHO AM I KIDDING I DON'T UNDERSTAND DUDES. I'm getting there, slowly. Getting over my fears. Trust knows no gender, that's what I know for sure.
5) If you've got a problem, come talk to me, I'm all yours.
That's all for tonight.
(If all else fails, just be straight with yourself and be straight with each other. Peace, lovelies.)
Lame
Hey: when someone asks you a question, just answer the stupid question.
Don't go all philosophical and think you are the bomb because you are "deep". Ugh, when you try that hard, people see right through you. Even if you are deep, you're clear as day, and that's boring as hell.
Get over your self-righteous butt and GET REAL PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. You'll be cooler.
You might even have a chance at being the bomb.
1) Be real.
2) GOD STOP THINKING OF "GOOD" ANSWERS AND JUST ANSWER WHAT YOU ARE THINKING.
People can't read minds. Don't lead them the wrong way by not saying what you mean, or trying to portray a certain image. False admiration is a useless currency!!!!!
3) BE STRAIGHT WITH EACH OTHER. HOLY IF I SAY THIS ONE MORE TIME I WILL EXPLODE.
4) You aren't cool until you aren't cool. Then you become cool. ;D
5) Personality is the first thing you think of when someone asks you a question. Sorry. Even if you lie to cover up how brutally cruel you can be, or how internally sensitive you really are, it's still in you. :S You might not even know it, but that's what it is.
Bye.
Don't go all philosophical and think you are the bomb because you are "deep". Ugh, when you try that hard, people see right through you. Even if you are deep, you're clear as day, and that's boring as hell.
Get over your self-righteous butt and GET REAL PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. You'll be cooler.
You might even have a chance at being the bomb.
1) Be real.
2) GOD STOP THINKING OF "GOOD" ANSWERS AND JUST ANSWER WHAT YOU ARE THINKING.
People can't read minds. Don't lead them the wrong way by not saying what you mean, or trying to portray a certain image. False admiration is a useless currency!!!!!
3) BE STRAIGHT WITH EACH OTHER. HOLY IF I SAY THIS ONE MORE TIME I WILL EXPLODE.
4) You aren't cool until you aren't cool. Then you become cool. ;D
5) Personality is the first thing you think of when someone asks you a question. Sorry. Even if you lie to cover up how brutally cruel you can be, or how internally sensitive you really are, it's still in you. :S You might not even know it, but that's what it is.
Bye.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Dream 4?
Okay I think this is dream 4. Not too sure, but holy it was...mostly wishful thinking.
God Jennifer, just go suck an egg. Stupid subconscious, taking me on stupid rides that I don't want to go on. SUCKS SUCKS UGH NOW I'M SAD.
LOL okay let's get started. (I'm listening to Utada. UGH SHE KILLS ME.)
LIKE WHO IN THE WORLD GAVE THAT TO HER, CRAP SHE'S AMAZING. Ughhhh her voiceeeeeee is killing meeeeeeeeeee.
FML I don't want to get started on this dream because then I have to put his name down and I'll just be some creepy loser lame-o weird THING that has stupid dreams. SO ANGRY.
Okay, okay, well everyone that matters knows that I went to his house. So in this dream, I invited him to my house.
...Ugh, fine let's start.
So he came to my house, and I met him at the south end of the path thing near my house. There is a park there, and we stopped their first before heading back to my house. It was a hot, hot day, and there was a water park there! (I just found that out a few days ago, haha.) Anyways, there were a couple guys playing basketball, and WX was there with her boyfriend. I told him to go and play basketball, and I sat down with those girls.
Anyways, I was talking with WX, sort of catching up I guess. She said I looked happy, and I told her I was. Haha, yah I was pretty happy. So the girls are just chitchatting while the dudes play. One girl looks at me and asks, "Is he your boyfriend?"
I shook my head and said, "No, we're good friends."
She smiled and tilted her head and said, "Then you don't mind if I ask him for his number then, do you?"
"No, go ahead," I said to her. (So passive, even in my dreams.) So yah, the boys kept playing, and we just kept talking I guess. After he and I were going home, and we ran through the water park. Haha, I was laughing cuz I didn't have extra clothes for him, and then the girl came and asked him if she could talk to him. So I just told him I would wait for him by the path.
...Yup. Way to go, Jenn. Fml, she was cute too. LOL my dream competition smoked me.
He was his usual self, I dunno. Anyways, we walked back, and we just played at my house. ...I have memories of Mario Kart. Yup. Anyways, here's where it gets WEIRDDDD. So for some reason, he was sleeping over at my house (wtf?). My parents seemed okay with it, which is even WEIRDER. So I slept at one end of the couch, and he was curled up on the other end. (Chill guys, its like PG 4. Rated E, for everyone. LOL my dreams have no hormones.) I slept pretty well (I slept in my dream while I was sleeping.) but when it was morning, I didn't want to get up. Eventually, everyone in my house was awake, except us on the couch. I finally decided to get up, and let him keep sleeping. My parents went out somewhere, and then I went upstairs.
For some reason, this was all happening in my old house. I was upstairs in my pink room, and I was looking for a shirt to wear. I had all these weird clothes. I picked this white tank top with this lacy flower pattern and braided straps that was sewn into a hot pink cardigan. But then when I put it on and looked in the mirror, it became this big white T-shirt with a colourful picture of a white tiger and parrots and jungle foliage, and a navy cardigan. lol.
So he came upstairs after and we were just up in my room. Then, I hear this big crash, and my brother runs into my room as well. These two guys, both dressed in black trench coats and sunglasses come in, and one of them looks like Morgan Freeman and the other looked like Bruce Willis. I guess they were thieves? But at that moment, I was just trying to get away from them.
We ran into a separate place in my house, and it was this BIGGGGG supermarket warehouse. Sort of like Home Depot, filled with food and stuff. :S Yah, and people were cleaning the aisles. Then there was this BIGGGG car crash, and it knocked over this HUGE JAR OF DRY PEANUT BUTTER. Inside were like flakes/powder puffs of peanut butter. The jar was like 2 meters tall. (WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!)
I kind of get the car crash, because right after, my aunty and uncle came, just like after my car crash. They asked us if we were okay, and they called the police.
Anyways, I was scrambling, running around everywhere. The police were trying to find the two men who broke in, because they were the thieves that kept stealing things on my street (we've had several robberies on this street!). Then a girl turned in a bat, and flew away. I don't know how I realized this, but I was a vampire. (Okay, I blame on the fact that I've been reading New Moon and Eclipse recently.) Everyone was a vampire, and we were all turning into bats.
I was looking for him, but someone told me he left. After the two guys had broken in, I had just left him in my room alone. I saw from someone else's perspective that he had gotten tired of just waiting, and that he left a note and went home. I became human again (how?), and rushed after him. His note said something like "234872 2342_3, between 1 and 2, which one should I choose? I....will...be...waiting..."
So I chased him out and I caught him at my door. I asked him what the note meant, and he told me that he had to decide on course selection, and that he was missing a number on his course code, either a 1 or a 2, which determined the difficulty of his English course. I told him to go for the harder one, and then he started to go home.
Lol, I shouted after him, and I didn't want him to leave haha. Then all of a sudden Billy was there on the other side of the street, and was playing with a police weapon thing. It was this giant claw thing and when you pushed a button, it zoomed out and could grab you. I told him to PUT IT DOWN, and he did, but then the police got to him and started using it on him.
Haha, I blocked the claw thing, and it was weird. There was a keypad thing where you typed 3 characters, and that was the shape of the claw. Eg, if you put I37, then the claw would have that shape. I was really, really good at dodging the claw thing, and the police thought I was a natural.
...That's all I remember.
It started pretty normal. Almost real, haha.
Kay, I'm done.
PEACEEEEEEEEE.
God Jennifer, just go suck an egg. Stupid subconscious, taking me on stupid rides that I don't want to go on. SUCKS SUCKS UGH NOW I'M SAD.
LOL okay let's get started. (I'm listening to Utada. UGH SHE KILLS ME.)
LIKE WHO IN THE WORLD GAVE THAT TO HER, CRAP SHE'S AMAZING. Ughhhh her voiceeeeeee is killing meeeeeeeeeee.
FML I don't want to get started on this dream because then I have to put his name down and I'll just be some creepy loser lame-o weird THING that has stupid dreams. SO ANGRY.
Okay, okay, well everyone that matters knows that I went to his house. So in this dream, I invited him to my house.
...Ugh, fine let's start.
So he came to my house, and I met him at the south end of the path thing near my house. There is a park there, and we stopped their first before heading back to my house. It was a hot, hot day, and there was a water park there! (I just found that out a few days ago, haha.) Anyways, there were a couple guys playing basketball, and WX was there with her boyfriend. I told him to go and play basketball, and I sat down with those girls.
Anyways, I was talking with WX, sort of catching up I guess. She said I looked happy, and I told her I was. Haha, yah I was pretty happy. So the girls are just chitchatting while the dudes play. One girl looks at me and asks, "Is he your boyfriend?"
I shook my head and said, "No, we're good friends."
She smiled and tilted her head and said, "Then you don't mind if I ask him for his number then, do you?"
"No, go ahead," I said to her. (So passive, even in my dreams.) So yah, the boys kept playing, and we just kept talking I guess. After he and I were going home, and we ran through the water park. Haha, I was laughing cuz I didn't have extra clothes for him, and then the girl came and asked him if she could talk to him. So I just told him I would wait for him by the path.
...Yup. Way to go, Jenn. Fml, she was cute too. LOL my dream competition smoked me.
He was his usual self, I dunno. Anyways, we walked back, and we just played at my house. ...I have memories of Mario Kart. Yup. Anyways, here's where it gets WEIRDDDD. So for some reason, he was sleeping over at my house (wtf?). My parents seemed okay with it, which is even WEIRDER. So I slept at one end of the couch, and he was curled up on the other end. (Chill guys, its like PG 4. Rated E, for everyone. LOL my dreams have no hormones.) I slept pretty well (I slept in my dream while I was sleeping.) but when it was morning, I didn't want to get up. Eventually, everyone in my house was awake, except us on the couch. I finally decided to get up, and let him keep sleeping. My parents went out somewhere, and then I went upstairs.
For some reason, this was all happening in my old house. I was upstairs in my pink room, and I was looking for a shirt to wear. I had all these weird clothes. I picked this white tank top with this lacy flower pattern and braided straps that was sewn into a hot pink cardigan. But then when I put it on and looked in the mirror, it became this big white T-shirt with a colourful picture of a white tiger and parrots and jungle foliage, and a navy cardigan. lol.
So he came upstairs after and we were just up in my room. Then, I hear this big crash, and my brother runs into my room as well. These two guys, both dressed in black trench coats and sunglasses come in, and one of them looks like Morgan Freeman and the other looked like Bruce Willis. I guess they were thieves? But at that moment, I was just trying to get away from them.
We ran into a separate place in my house, and it was this BIGGGGG supermarket warehouse. Sort of like Home Depot, filled with food and stuff. :S Yah, and people were cleaning the aisles. Then there was this BIGGGG car crash, and it knocked over this HUGE JAR OF DRY PEANUT BUTTER. Inside were like flakes/powder puffs of peanut butter. The jar was like 2 meters tall. (WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!)
I kind of get the car crash, because right after, my aunty and uncle came, just like after my car crash. They asked us if we were okay, and they called the police.
Anyways, I was scrambling, running around everywhere. The police were trying to find the two men who broke in, because they were the thieves that kept stealing things on my street (we've had several robberies on this street!). Then a girl turned in a bat, and flew away. I don't know how I realized this, but I was a vampire. (Okay, I blame on the fact that I've been reading New Moon and Eclipse recently.) Everyone was a vampire, and we were all turning into bats.
I was looking for him, but someone told me he left. After the two guys had broken in, I had just left him in my room alone. I saw from someone else's perspective that he had gotten tired of just waiting, and that he left a note and went home. I became human again (how?), and rushed after him. His note said something like "234872 2342_3, between 1 and 2, which one should I choose? I....will...be...waiting..."
So I chased him out and I caught him at my door. I asked him what the note meant, and he told me that he had to decide on course selection, and that he was missing a number on his course code, either a 1 or a 2, which determined the difficulty of his English course. I told him to go for the harder one, and then he started to go home.
Lol, I shouted after him, and I didn't want him to leave haha. Then all of a sudden Billy was there on the other side of the street, and was playing with a police weapon thing. It was this giant claw thing and when you pushed a button, it zoomed out and could grab you. I told him to PUT IT DOWN, and he did, but then the police got to him and started using it on him.
Haha, I blocked the claw thing, and it was weird. There was a keypad thing where you typed 3 characters, and that was the shape of the claw. Eg, if you put I37, then the claw would have that shape. I was really, really good at dodging the claw thing, and the police thought I was a natural.
...That's all I remember.
It started pretty normal. Almost real, haha.
Kay, I'm done.
PEACEEEEEEEEE.
Prelude to a Dream
Dunno which number this is. It was...nice, I guess.
OMG DON'T JUDGE ME!!
I went to bed, thinking about old...people. Friends, I guess, that have gone or were lost or who picked up and left. Thinking about it now, I just realized that I don't have to be friends with everyone. I'm allowed to say no. Always allowed to say no. Who says I have to be gracious and lovely all the time?
I always tend to hold myself back and agree to everything because I am afraid of being judged. But in the end, the only one judging is myself.
"A girl who is dressed and groomed can forget about that part of her. That's charm. The more parts of yourself that you can forget, the more charm you have."
I want to try to be more like that, and let go of my own inhibitions on myself. I want to try to stop doing the noble, correct thing, and do what I want, even if it's just once in a while.
...Okay I'm not talking about my dream.
==;;...That'll come, I'll try to remember it. IT WAS A GOOD ONE.
But yah, there's my revelation. I guilt myself into doing the right thing all the time. I'm not being nice, I'm just lying to both of us...
A friend once told me to just stop lying. "Stop pretending to be nice. Just say how you feel." I'm trying man, but it's hard. LOL ESPECIALLY FOR ME GAHHHH WHYYYY.
It means nothing if you are just a nice person who cannot seem to do wrong because you cannot afford the guilt of someone else's hurt. That's just selfishness manifesting into self-appreciation.
It's the same way I think of honesty. There is no merit in not being able to lie - we don't celebrate a rabbit for not being a murderer. It is just the way the rabbit is. If you can't lie, that's just the way you are. I don't call that honesty. I think honesty is having a choice between a lie and a truth, and choosing to tell the truth.
So I guess if you can't be mean, it doesn't automatically mean you are nice.
...OKAY, I think we've come to an end. I don't want to forget my dream.
1) Be nice, LOL.
2) Don't judge yourself.
3) Smile, you're beautiful!
4) I take back what I said before. We are not friends, and if I ever see you again, I will smile at you with my best smile, but that's it. I want to fill my life with bright shining people, and it's going well. Met you for a reason, but you will always be the one I can't give up. Even after all these years, when I think of you, I have to lie to myself to stay level headed. Yah, yah, I am probably the only one still thinking about it, but I'm slow in my revelations.
:) The end, it's closed for good. Final-freaking-ly.
DREAM TIME.
:)
OMG DON'T JUDGE ME!!
I went to bed, thinking about old...people. Friends, I guess, that have gone or were lost or who picked up and left. Thinking about it now, I just realized that I don't have to be friends with everyone. I'm allowed to say no. Always allowed to say no. Who says I have to be gracious and lovely all the time?
I always tend to hold myself back and agree to everything because I am afraid of being judged. But in the end, the only one judging is myself.
"A girl who is dressed and groomed can forget about that part of her. That's charm. The more parts of yourself that you can forget, the more charm you have."
I want to try to be more like that, and let go of my own inhibitions on myself. I want to try to stop doing the noble, correct thing, and do what I want, even if it's just once in a while.
...Okay I'm not talking about my dream.
==;;...That'll come, I'll try to remember it. IT WAS A GOOD ONE.
But yah, there's my revelation. I guilt myself into doing the right thing all the time. I'm not being nice, I'm just lying to both of us...
A friend once told me to just stop lying. "Stop pretending to be nice. Just say how you feel." I'm trying man, but it's hard. LOL ESPECIALLY FOR ME GAHHHH WHYYYY.
It means nothing if you are just a nice person who cannot seem to do wrong because you cannot afford the guilt of someone else's hurt. That's just selfishness manifesting into self-appreciation.
It's the same way I think of honesty. There is no merit in not being able to lie - we don't celebrate a rabbit for not being a murderer. It is just the way the rabbit is. If you can't lie, that's just the way you are. I don't call that honesty. I think honesty is having a choice between a lie and a truth, and choosing to tell the truth.
So I guess if you can't be mean, it doesn't automatically mean you are nice.
...OKAY, I think we've come to an end. I don't want to forget my dream.
1) Be nice, LOL.
2) Don't judge yourself.
3) Smile, you're beautiful!
4) I take back what I said before. We are not friends, and if I ever see you again, I will smile at you with my best smile, but that's it. I want to fill my life with bright shining people, and it's going well. Met you for a reason, but you will always be the one I can't give up. Even after all these years, when I think of you, I have to lie to myself to stay level headed. Yah, yah, I am probably the only one still thinking about it, but I'm slow in my revelations.
:) The end, it's closed for good. Final-freaking-ly.
DREAM TIME.
:)
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Dream Time
Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!
I FINALLY had another dream to write about!!!
:) Just remembered it too!
Okay, so it was some MIA event. A huge one, and we were really, really badly prepared (let's hope this isn't a premonition of what's to come!). On the day OF the event, we were still scrambling to get everything we needed, paying for stuff. There were signs for the event (I think it was the volunteer thing but I'm not too sure) and also HUGE signs that were reminders for us. Some said "VOLUNTEER DAY 2010!" while others said "SOMEONE GO BUY FLOWERS BESIDE THE MOUNTAINS". Flowers were a REALLY big part of what we were doing. Another sign said "GO TO THE STORE BEYOND THE MOUNTAINS TO GET CAKE".
...what mountains...
Anyways that was the setting. However, it started off with a big group of us in the caf. We were the MACDONALD team, and there was some scavenger/race activity competition going on. There were schools from all over, even the US! Yeah, so we were facing those teams in some competition. Somehow, we got separated, and then the MIA members had to go do their tasks. I kind of ignored the big signs telling me to go to the mountains, cuz I didn't want to make that long trek in the flowery fields.
Anyways, I was in the library, and got sent off to find...something. :S I don't remember what. So I was going along, and Billy was there, looking for his dear. He was helping me look for whatever I was looking for and keeping me company. He did find her though, and left me ALONE, THANKS MAN THANKS.
So I kept on searching, and I realized it was almost lunch time. Which meant that he would be in Civics. (This is wrong, he has Civics in the morning!! FML such a stalker, this is sick.) I thought about waiting around so I could see him, but I thought, no I can't, have to find whatever I'm looking for.
I saw a bunch of teams wandering around, and the American team was going home and taking a group picture. They were really nice...hahaha
Then I was coordinating a bunch of volunteers (MARATHON DEJA VU). We were looking for FRUIT OMG THAT'S IT. So I sent them to the garden (IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL GARDEN) and they were getting fruit. I came back to check on them, and Ms Woods and some Indian teacher were standing at the garden door. I looked in, and the volunteers were gorging themselves on peaches and stuff. I called them in and apologized to Ms Woods. She explained that the guy who runs the garden doesn't like kids in there, and if other students saw them in there, they would go in and eat all the fruits too.
.........wtf. There were really nice yellow lilies in there....pretty!
So Ms. Woods gives me this book with like...EVERYTHING in it. Like an encyclopedia. It explained like everything. There was a section on the days of the week, and the definitions of the days. It was like "Wednesday: between Tuesday and Thursday, the elastic portion of the week." It was SOOOO WEIRD, but it made so much sense in my dream. I looked at it and almost took the book, then realized that I had to return it. I went to the normal library, but I couldn't find the place.
Then I ran into Ms Woods again, and she showed me where to return it. It was this secret library, beside the video room in our school. (It was where the Language hallway and the History hallway intersected). I went in, and there were BOOKS EVERYWHERE IT WAS AWESOME.
I still couldn't find the right place for the book, so she showed me the catalogue. It was this golden box, and there were like....files. But the files were not made of paper. They were beads banners, with a letter on each. It was supposed to be in alphabetical order, but it was all messed up. I still couldn't find the place for the book, so I just left it in a pile. Then I started to look at other books, and spent the rest of the dream trying to find the book "A Notion in Paraxitlese".
WTF DREAM WTF. It was about a young girl who was abused by her mother. Seemed sad.
Yup, that's the dream.
LET'S HOPE THERE'S A GOOD ONE TONIGHT TOO!
(Oh, and Mac didn't win the competition. IN OUR OWN SCHOOL. We suck man. Lol and for some reason, our cheer was "NO!" Someone asked us why, and it was because Macdonald students always say no. ...what is that supposed to mean...)
I FINALLY had another dream to write about!!!
:) Just remembered it too!
Okay, so it was some MIA event. A huge one, and we were really, really badly prepared (let's hope this isn't a premonition of what's to come!). On the day OF the event, we were still scrambling to get everything we needed, paying for stuff. There were signs for the event (I think it was the volunteer thing but I'm not too sure) and also HUGE signs that were reminders for us. Some said "VOLUNTEER DAY 2010!" while others said "SOMEONE GO BUY FLOWERS BESIDE THE MOUNTAINS". Flowers were a REALLY big part of what we were doing. Another sign said "GO TO THE STORE BEYOND THE MOUNTAINS TO GET CAKE".
...what mountains...
Anyways that was the setting. However, it started off with a big group of us in the caf. We were the MACDONALD team, and there was some scavenger/race activity competition going on. There were schools from all over, even the US! Yeah, so we were facing those teams in some competition. Somehow, we got separated, and then the MIA members had to go do their tasks. I kind of ignored the big signs telling me to go to the mountains, cuz I didn't want to make that long trek in the flowery fields.
Anyways, I was in the library, and got sent off to find...something. :S I don't remember what. So I was going along, and Billy was there, looking for his dear. He was helping me look for whatever I was looking for and keeping me company. He did find her though, and left me ALONE, THANKS MAN THANKS.
So I kept on searching, and I realized it was almost lunch time. Which meant that he would be in Civics. (This is wrong, he has Civics in the morning!! FML such a stalker, this is sick.) I thought about waiting around so I could see him, but I thought, no I can't, have to find whatever I'm looking for.
I saw a bunch of teams wandering around, and the American team was going home and taking a group picture. They were really nice...hahaha
Then I was coordinating a bunch of volunteers (MARATHON DEJA VU). We were looking for FRUIT OMG THAT'S IT. So I sent them to the garden (IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL GARDEN) and they were getting fruit. I came back to check on them, and Ms Woods and some Indian teacher were standing at the garden door. I looked in, and the volunteers were gorging themselves on peaches and stuff. I called them in and apologized to Ms Woods. She explained that the guy who runs the garden doesn't like kids in there, and if other students saw them in there, they would go in and eat all the fruits too.
.........wtf. There were really nice yellow lilies in there....pretty!
So Ms. Woods gives me this book with like...EVERYTHING in it. Like an encyclopedia. It explained like everything. There was a section on the days of the week, and the definitions of the days. It was like "Wednesday: between Tuesday and Thursday, the elastic portion of the week." It was SOOOO WEIRD, but it made so much sense in my dream. I looked at it and almost took the book, then realized that I had to return it. I went to the normal library, but I couldn't find the place.
Then I ran into Ms Woods again, and she showed me where to return it. It was this secret library, beside the video room in our school. (It was where the Language hallway and the History hallway intersected). I went in, and there were BOOKS EVERYWHERE IT WAS AWESOME.
I still couldn't find the right place for the book, so she showed me the catalogue. It was this golden box, and there were like....files. But the files were not made of paper. They were beads banners, with a letter on each. It was supposed to be in alphabetical order, but it was all messed up. I still couldn't find the place for the book, so I just left it in a pile. Then I started to look at other books, and spent the rest of the dream trying to find the book "A Notion in Paraxitlese".
WTF DREAM WTF. It was about a young girl who was abused by her mother. Seemed sad.
Yup, that's the dream.
LET'S HOPE THERE'S A GOOD ONE TONIGHT TOO!
(Oh, and Mac didn't win the competition. IN OUR OWN SCHOOL. We suck man. Lol and for some reason, our cheer was "NO!" Someone asked us why, and it was because Macdonald students always say no. ...what is that supposed to mean...)
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Oh my God.
I just hate living right now. I don't even want to talk about it, because I feel so depressing and lame and ugh.
I want to sleep and just not have the morning come.
Maybe it will be a nice day.
I don't know.
Scared.
So tired of this.
You know, I can't even try harder.
Only a few more weeks...
Until it all starts again.
Sorry for the pessimism.
Over dramatic, but I don't care.
My head is spinning with the ideas of circular motion and planets.
Understanding...physics...is...impossible...
Copernicus was pretty smart eh?
How can I shove this all in my head?!
I can do this, haha.
Hope I can, at least.
I'm counting down the days.
I want to sleep and just not have the morning come.
Maybe it will be a nice day.
I don't know.
Scared.
So tired of this.
You know, I can't even try harder.
Only a few more weeks...
Until it all starts again.
Sorry for the pessimism.
Over dramatic, but I don't care.
My head is spinning with the ideas of circular motion and planets.
Understanding...physics...is...impossible...
Copernicus was pretty smart eh?
How can I shove this all in my head?!
I can do this, haha.
Hope I can, at least.
I'm counting down the days.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Boomdeyada
Hey. Things happened. Let's break them down.
1) ...I dunno why, but I hesitate every time I say it.
Okay, so I was in a car accident yesterday. Lol it was kind of wacked out. We were going to this churchy picnic/play day thing. I thought the car ride was about 2 hours, so I was listening to music...Yah.
So we got a little lost, and I guess once we had turned around, we started back in the right direction. It was around 9:56 am that time (Haha I had just checked the clock). So we got to and intersection and were going straight, and then out of freaking no where, all of a sudden, there was this big black SUV in front of us, racing to the other side of the road.
I dunno, it was the first time this had ever happened to be, but I thought time just...slowed down. I saw the black car, and I thought, "We are going to hit that car". And then we hit it, and spun out. My brother was just like screaming, and it scared the crap out of my mom. I looked at him and then BAM, we hit a light post, and we stopped spinning and I hit my head on the window. Airbags were out, and I wasn't that scared while it was happening (I think I was just like...sitting there looking at everything). But I got really jerky when my parents were yelling at me to get out of the car, get out of the car.
Lol. People stopped their cars, came over, called 911. Haha I couldn't get out because I just couldn't get the seatbelt out and I was trying to get my phone to call 911, but I just couldn't think. Police came, firetruck came (firefighters were very nice. LOL, good taste, Ms. Stirling), EMS. They checked out my head, mom was freaking out. I got to ride in an ambulance. It was cool. EMS dudes were nice too.
The other car actually rolled over a few times. It only stopped once the wheel got caught on the fence thing of the highway. I was scared for that other guy, because I could just see his hand, shaking shaking shaking through his window. But eventually he climbed out, and it was just him in the car. He came out yelling, "Oh man, oh man I saw children in that car. Were there children? Oh man, oh man I made a mistake."
We were all okay, I guess, but I just wanted to cry. Like man, I saw that car in front of us and I just thought, "We're going to hit that car."
...This kind of made me realize a few things.
LOL, yah I guess this could have ended worse, but I'm not having one of those life/death epiphanies of where I should cherish life and enjoy living. Haha, I think I already got that. When it happened though, I kept thinking, "What did I do that was so bad that karma is doing this?".
Just made me realize people deal with things differently. Brother's psyche just snapped, he was screaming the scariest kind of scream. Just hollow and deep and full of fear. I feel like I live through a screen. No fear, no aftershock. Things just happened, and I just happened to be there. Feel like it's kind of sick though. I'm not a passionate person. I don't feel things...and I guess if I do, I don't let go enough to really feel things.
I guess what I'm saying is, even in the midst of everything, I would never be able to snap out of my mind long enough to scream with pure natural fear. There would always be another part of my mind occupied with something else, with thought. Haha, once again, I just think too much.
Employers, that's my weakness.
Anyways, some happier things. I rode in an ambulance today. Haha, kind of cool. Umm I had a nice night too.
2) Summer school tomorrow. I hope I meet some cool peeps, who I can feel comfortable around and open enough. I figure that the people going to summer school must be closer to my "kind" than others, haha.
I don't mean to discriminate...actually maybe the opposite. I feel very little and small and unworthy around people my age a lot. I don't feel better, I feel worse. Haha, let's see what happens.
3) I don't think I'm going to give up. It won't work, even if I win, but I don't intend to win or lose. :) JUST GONNA FIGHT. (Y)
4) That's it. Go home.
1) ...I dunno why, but I hesitate every time I say it.
Okay, so I was in a car accident yesterday. Lol it was kind of wacked out. We were going to this churchy picnic/play day thing. I thought the car ride was about 2 hours, so I was listening to music...Yah.
So we got a little lost, and I guess once we had turned around, we started back in the right direction. It was around 9:56 am that time (Haha I had just checked the clock). So we got to and intersection and were going straight, and then out of freaking no where, all of a sudden, there was this big black SUV in front of us, racing to the other side of the road.
I dunno, it was the first time this had ever happened to be, but I thought time just...slowed down. I saw the black car, and I thought, "We are going to hit that car". And then we hit it, and spun out. My brother was just like screaming, and it scared the crap out of my mom. I looked at him and then BAM, we hit a light post, and we stopped spinning and I hit my head on the window. Airbags were out, and I wasn't that scared while it was happening (I think I was just like...sitting there looking at everything). But I got really jerky when my parents were yelling at me to get out of the car, get out of the car.
Lol. People stopped their cars, came over, called 911. Haha I couldn't get out because I just couldn't get the seatbelt out and I was trying to get my phone to call 911, but I just couldn't think. Police came, firetruck came (firefighters were very nice. LOL, good taste, Ms. Stirling), EMS. They checked out my head, mom was freaking out. I got to ride in an ambulance. It was cool. EMS dudes were nice too.
The other car actually rolled over a few times. It only stopped once the wheel got caught on the fence thing of the highway. I was scared for that other guy, because I could just see his hand, shaking shaking shaking through his window. But eventually he climbed out, and it was just him in the car. He came out yelling, "Oh man, oh man I saw children in that car. Were there children? Oh man, oh man I made a mistake."
We were all okay, I guess, but I just wanted to cry. Like man, I saw that car in front of us and I just thought, "We're going to hit that car."
...This kind of made me realize a few things.
LOL, yah I guess this could have ended worse, but I'm not having one of those life/death epiphanies of where I should cherish life and enjoy living. Haha, I think I already got that. When it happened though, I kept thinking, "What did I do that was so bad that karma is doing this?".
Just made me realize people deal with things differently. Brother's psyche just snapped, he was screaming the scariest kind of scream. Just hollow and deep and full of fear. I feel like I live through a screen. No fear, no aftershock. Things just happened, and I just happened to be there. Feel like it's kind of sick though. I'm not a passionate person. I don't feel things...and I guess if I do, I don't let go enough to really feel things.
I guess what I'm saying is, even in the midst of everything, I would never be able to snap out of my mind long enough to scream with pure natural fear. There would always be another part of my mind occupied with something else, with thought. Haha, once again, I just think too much.
Employers, that's my weakness.
Anyways, some happier things. I rode in an ambulance today. Haha, kind of cool. Umm I had a nice night too.
2) Summer school tomorrow. I hope I meet some cool peeps, who I can feel comfortable around and open enough. I figure that the people going to summer school must be closer to my "kind" than others, haha.
I don't mean to discriminate...actually maybe the opposite. I feel very little and small and unworthy around people my age a lot. I don't feel better, I feel worse. Haha, let's see what happens.
3) I don't think I'm going to give up. It won't work, even if I win, but I don't intend to win or lose. :) JUST GONNA FIGHT. (Y)
4) That's it. Go home.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
For Grace
This is the 53rd post. The real one.
:) Love you Grace!
What do you want for your birthday? (No GD.)
:) Love you Grace!
What do you want for your birthday? (No GD.)
Thursday, July 1, 2010
CNE
LOL...crazy day.
Crazy yesterday*. Haha, want a summary? Maybe I'll do it in point form to MIX IT UP. (Does anyone remember Mix It Up at school? Where we had to sit with diff people and we all got numbers and colours and stuff? Yo I don't remember because I ran away to Chipps' room. Did anyone go? I want to hear about the experience.)
Anyways. Oh yah point form.
-Started off day early. 9:00 at fv with Mandy and Bethany. We met Mao and he saw his friend Mark and just DASHED into a subway car, even though we were supposed to wait for Yuchen?! Haha, so bad. Totally ditched him back at FV. No one told him to meet at S-Y.
-Bused bused bused to Union. Met up with Sean, ex-VP IB dude. Got on a STREET CAR (I LOVE STREET CARS, DID YOU KNOW THAT?)
-Made it to CNE grounds at 10:06 am. Job fair started at 10 am. We were like "heck yes, nice timing guys". LOL.
...
...
...
-Let's just say, the line was already INSANE. It was a pretty large building, and the line went ALL THE WAY AROUND. It was...crazy.
-Stood in that line for 2 hours. Not so bad, had some laughs. Just....stood around. Michael shed some skin. We stood. Michael shed some more. We moved up a little. Tick tock tick tock.
-Finally got in the door, gave in our apps, got a number. I was 846. There were like 1200s out there. Crazy.
-GOT IN ANOTHER LINE. Waited for another 2 hours. Waitlisted. Everything was full. It was basically first come first serve. Haha, Sean got an interview! He was the only one.
-Story is, we were waiting in line for the ticket taker job. Lady comes and yells, "ANYBODY HAVE A G LISCENCE?!". Sean goes, "Is G2 okay?".
Lady: Yes, yes that's fine. Would you like to drive a tractor?"
Sean: Oh well...I don't know how...
Lady: IT'S OKAY. WE'LL TEACH YOU.
Walks away, comes back with interview. As a tractor driver. Haha, he had only gotten his G2 yesterday. So he got to chillax for the rest of the line up.
Handed in our cards, gave in our resumes, went off a "cross of tired and pissed". Haha.
Sorry I gave up on point form. Lame lame lame. Anyways, we went to Starwalk Buffet later on. Ate...but no one ate that much. Didn't feel that anyone really went above and beyond. Maybe we were just too tired.
LOL BILLY I MET MARK!! I MET HIM! Lol.
Umm...then we went to Staples. Umm...then we went home.
Fruitless day. Fine day. Fun day.
I wish it was a Friday. Because then I could have used alliteration. That would be great. I love alliteration so much. (TT)...
Crazy yesterday*. Haha, want a summary? Maybe I'll do it in point form to MIX IT UP. (Does anyone remember Mix It Up at school? Where we had to sit with diff people and we all got numbers and colours and stuff? Yo I don't remember because I ran away to Chipps' room. Did anyone go? I want to hear about the experience.)
Anyways. Oh yah point form.
-Started off day early. 9:00 at fv with Mandy and Bethany. We met Mao and he saw his friend Mark and just DASHED into a subway car, even though we were supposed to wait for Yuchen?! Haha, so bad. Totally ditched him back at FV. No one told him to meet at S-Y.
-Bused bused bused to Union. Met up with Sean, ex-VP IB dude. Got on a STREET CAR (I LOVE STREET CARS, DID YOU KNOW THAT?)
-Made it to CNE grounds at 10:06 am. Job fair started at 10 am. We were like "heck yes, nice timing guys". LOL.
...
...
...
-Let's just say, the line was already INSANE. It was a pretty large building, and the line went ALL THE WAY AROUND. It was...crazy.
-Stood in that line for 2 hours. Not so bad, had some laughs. Just....stood around. Michael shed some skin. We stood. Michael shed some more. We moved up a little. Tick tock tick tock.
-Finally got in the door, gave in our apps, got a number. I was 846. There were like 1200s out there. Crazy.
-GOT IN ANOTHER LINE. Waited for another 2 hours. Waitlisted. Everything was full. It was basically first come first serve. Haha, Sean got an interview! He was the only one.
-Story is, we were waiting in line for the ticket taker job. Lady comes and yells, "ANYBODY HAVE A G LISCENCE?!". Sean goes, "Is G2 okay?".
Lady: Yes, yes that's fine. Would you like to drive a tractor?"
Sean: Oh well...I don't know how...
Lady: IT'S OKAY. WE'LL TEACH YOU.
Walks away, comes back with interview. As a tractor driver. Haha, he had only gotten his G2 yesterday. So he got to chillax for the rest of the line up.
Handed in our cards, gave in our resumes, went off a "cross of tired and pissed". Haha.
Sorry I gave up on point form. Lame lame lame. Anyways, we went to Starwalk Buffet later on. Ate...but no one ate that much. Didn't feel that anyone really went above and beyond. Maybe we were just too tired.
LOL BILLY I MET MARK!! I MET HIM! Lol.
Umm...then we went to Staples. Umm...then we went home.
Fruitless day. Fine day. Fun day.
I wish it was a Friday. Because then I could have used alliteration. That would be great. I love alliteration so much. (TT)...
Sunday, June 27, 2010
SUCKS
I'm sorry to say it, but there is SO MUCH UNREQUITED LOVE OUT THERE.
Where does all this emotion go?!
................................................
It's like flowing out into the world, into no container, no conclusion, no END.
...:( Sad.
Like yo - to all you lovers out there, GO GO GO.
I am rooting for all of y'all.
And hey - for all you who don't feel the same way...don't sweat it. You can't make yourself like someone...it doesn't work that way.
I just feel...twisted when it comes to that subject. Half of me wants to side with the one with feelings because 1) that's me haha and 2) IT SUCKS AND ITS HARD TO CONFESS. But the other half of me knows that it is so hard to turn someone down, and it's just so awkward and icky and impossible, because you have to hurt someone. And this is where I cannot make up my mind. I always tell people to fight for what they want, go for who they like, take a CHANCE. But when I see people I love tormented with the thought of turning someone down, it just...ugh, it's hard. I mean, yah they are fighting for who they want, but they are so aggressive that it's taking the other person down with them.
...Confused.
I also don't like this whole "playing hard to get" business and all this "calculated neglect". God, it works so WELL, but it's so...manipulative. Why can't we just be honest with each other? If you want to talk to someone, why can't you just talk to them? If you want to be friends, why can't you just be friends? Why do we have to run in circles chasing each other while pretending to run the other way?
...Man.
1) Fight for who you love.
2) Don't fight so hard that you only get hate in return.
3) Be straight with each other.
4) Even unrequited love can be fruitful.
LOL I got 4 from a manga I just finished.
Kay I'm done with this. (Y)
(I got new PJs. They are cute. Haha.)
Where does all this emotion go?!
................................................
It's like flowing out into the world, into no container, no conclusion, no END.
...:( Sad.
Like yo - to all you lovers out there, GO GO GO.
I am rooting for all of y'all.
And hey - for all you who don't feel the same way...don't sweat it. You can't make yourself like someone...it doesn't work that way.
I just feel...twisted when it comes to that subject. Half of me wants to side with the one with feelings because 1) that's me haha and 2) IT SUCKS AND ITS HARD TO CONFESS. But the other half of me knows that it is so hard to turn someone down, and it's just so awkward and icky and impossible, because you have to hurt someone. And this is where I cannot make up my mind. I always tell people to fight for what they want, go for who they like, take a CHANCE. But when I see people I love tormented with the thought of turning someone down, it just...ugh, it's hard. I mean, yah they are fighting for who they want, but they are so aggressive that it's taking the other person down with them.
...Confused.
I also don't like this whole "playing hard to get" business and all this "calculated neglect". God, it works so WELL, but it's so...manipulative. Why can't we just be honest with each other? If you want to talk to someone, why can't you just talk to them? If you want to be friends, why can't you just be friends? Why do we have to run in circles chasing each other while pretending to run the other way?
...Man.
1) Fight for who you love.
2) Don't fight so hard that you only get hate in return.
3) Be straight with each other.
4) Even unrequited love can be fruitful.
LOL I got 4 from a manga I just finished.
Kay I'm done with this. (Y)
(I got new PJs. They are cute. Haha.)
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
You know...
...I kind of understand where he was coming from. LOL, shouldn't sympathize with the enemy, but I can't help it, because I understand now.
Hearing him say those things to me just made me want to cry, because I didn't understand why he couldn't just accept the way things were and just leave them. I was happy, and he wasn't, but I could just ignore it. I didn't feel a thing.
I don't owe you any apologies, but I am still sorry. Hurts a lot, I know.
Listen: when you get what you want, it's great. But when you see what you want and get to hold in in your hands and marvel at it, and then it gets taken away, it sucks. A hell of a lot. It's worse than I thought. LOL.
:) Hey, I'm still living. I'll figure this out.
DELICATE BALANCING ACT.
...we'll see.
Hearing him say those things to me just made me want to cry, because I didn't understand why he couldn't just accept the way things were and just leave them. I was happy, and he wasn't, but I could just ignore it. I didn't feel a thing.
I don't owe you any apologies, but I am still sorry. Hurts a lot, I know.
Listen: when you get what you want, it's great. But when you see what you want and get to hold in in your hands and marvel at it, and then it gets taken away, it sucks. A hell of a lot. It's worse than I thought. LOL.
:) Hey, I'm still living. I'll figure this out.
DELICATE BALANCING ACT.
...we'll see.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Chester Stupid
Yo. I just realized that I never put up my Chester Stupid dream. WHY DIDN'T I?! IT WAS CLEARLY VERY EPIC.
Okay, let's just GO FOR IT.
So I was in my American History class, and it was a normal day. Well, normal, other than the fact that we had a substitute teacher, which NEVER happens. (It's true, Brown is always there!!). Anyways, the substitute's name was "Chester Stupid". He was really creepy looking...his eyes were always open really, really wide, and he had like a comb-over and red hair. Yah, so he was creepy.
So, Grace and I were just chilling in class, sort of a free period. But Chester kept talking to me, and like coming on to me. He kept saying stuff like, "Hey, would you like to eat lunch with me sometime? I would love to eat lunch with you. I would love to get to know you better. Let's have lunch sometime." I WAS SO CREEPED OUT. In the end, I left Am Hist, and I thought, "W/e, he's a substitute, I won't see him again." I never told anyone and just...left!
Haha, but then I kept seeing him around the school! He would say hi to me in the halls and always, always ask me to lunch. Eventually, I got so creeped out that I went to Mr. Brown for help. I told him about the harassment, but he just looked at me and said, "Sorry Jennifer, I can't help you. Without a complaint from your parents, I don't have a right to help you." or something like that. LOL, it was a crushing moment in the dream!
So I just...tried to stay away from him, I guess. Every time I went anywhere, I would always go with someone else. Strength in numbers, I guess? So anyways, then one time, I was walking past the caf, and I saw James sitting at a table. I thought to myself, "Great, I can sit with him and then Stupid couldn't do anything." But as I went to the caf, Chester came and was like "Hey, do you want to have lunch with me? I would love to have lunch with you."
At that point, I was just pissed. Like, WTF is this guy trying to do?! He was ruining my life! So I just yelled at him and said, "NO I DON'T WANT TO HAVE LUNCH WITH YOU. STOP BOTHERING ME!" He just kept smiling and smiling and then he pushed me down and I was so, so heavy. I couldn't get up, and he was standing with his foot on my chest. Even when he stopped standing on me, I still couldn't get up. I just kept struggling like a turtle that had been flipped on my back. God, it sucked. And people just kept walking by, students, but no one would help me...
THEN FINALLY, this performer at our school came and helped me. She was a big woman, with pink streaks in her hair and a big pink boa. She was really nice, and pulled me to my feet. Haha, yup so then I got up.
Days passed, and there was an awards show at the school. I was sitting at the back with Kuni and Ivan in the aud. It was a pretty fancy awards show, like the oscars or something. Haha anyways, I was chilling in the back, and then Kuni and Ivan went to get their awards. Just at that time, Chester Stupid came and sat a few seats down from me. It was kind of scary, but then Kuni and Ivan came back right away. When Stupid went to get his award, Kuni and Ivan and I made a plan for me to leave, because we somehow knew that the next time me and him were alone, it wouldn't end nicely. I ran off down the tech hall, and turned at the auto room?
In that room, Billy was working as a secretary or something at a table shop. His hair was dyed (WOW, BLAST FROM THE PAST). Anyways, I asked him if I could hide out in his shop, and he said sure. He even pointed me to a place in the corner where I could hide. Cassie and Carren were already there, and it was beside this aquarium. I played with them for a bit, but then they left and I got bored. I went into this room with this awesome table. It was like a xylophone, made up of these wooden rods/planks all held together with strings. Well, I touched it, and the whole thing fell apart. The boss of the store came in and told Billy to fix it. She was pretty angry with me, and said to Billy, "And please, tell your FRIEND, not to touch anything."
...Yup.
So then a few more days passed, and in the end, I was in the tech hall alone. He got me. Bah. He was strong, and pulled me into the boys' changeroom. In the room, there was this trapdoor. We went down into this tunnel, and we ended up in this dark dungeon place. Haha, don't worry kids, nothing bad really happened. I was scared but...turned out okay?
Anyways, he led me to this cave place. There were three blue shiny pillars of light. In one of them was Boccia. In the other was Meera. Haha Meera had blue eyes...they were so pretty. Chester Stupid told me that they were collecting human specimens, really smart people (OKAY WHATEVER, MY SUBCONSCIOUS IS COCKY!). So I lived in that cave place for like 2 months. The cave eventually turned into this really weird store, with mirrors and funky mannequins and stuff. Turns out, it was a store on FV. Haha, but I knew in my heart that my mommy would never find me, because she would never go to a store like that.
I asked them if I could call my mom. They said sure, but I would have to read off a script. I said, "Forget it. Hell no." Haha, but I still had a cell phone! For some reason, I saw this cute guy, and I took a picture of him with the phone. Then Chester came to me later and deleted it. He explained that everything was connected, and I shouldn't be distracted by the world and boys and such. JEEZ! Haha.
Okay, so I was still doing my school work. The school would send me my homework and assignments in the mail, and I would do them. Mr Wong and my Chem class would send me lots of care packages, full of cookies and letters and such. (Thank you guys! Haha.) HOWEVER, one day, I had to go back to school to do an Am Hist test. They let me out, but I had to wear stockings and Timberland boots. When I got to school, I was gonna tell Mr. Brown about what was happening in that...CULT! IT WAS LIKE A CULT!! There were believers and such!!
Yah, but then I saw Kuni and Ivan and got distracted and talked to them instead. And then the dream was over.
The end.
I told Mr Brown the dream, and he said that in real life, he would help me without a doubt. LOL sorry I made you a bad guy in my dream.
:) Yah that's my crazy dream. Wonder what it means!!
Okay, let's just GO FOR IT.
So I was in my American History class, and it was a normal day. Well, normal, other than the fact that we had a substitute teacher, which NEVER happens. (It's true, Brown is always there!!). Anyways, the substitute's name was "Chester Stupid". He was really creepy looking...his eyes were always open really, really wide, and he had like a comb-over and red hair. Yah, so he was creepy.
So, Grace and I were just chilling in class, sort of a free period. But Chester kept talking to me, and like coming on to me. He kept saying stuff like, "Hey, would you like to eat lunch with me sometime? I would love to eat lunch with you. I would love to get to know you better. Let's have lunch sometime." I WAS SO CREEPED OUT. In the end, I left Am Hist, and I thought, "W/e, he's a substitute, I won't see him again." I never told anyone and just...left!
Haha, but then I kept seeing him around the school! He would say hi to me in the halls and always, always ask me to lunch. Eventually, I got so creeped out that I went to Mr. Brown for help. I told him about the harassment, but he just looked at me and said, "Sorry Jennifer, I can't help you. Without a complaint from your parents, I don't have a right to help you." or something like that. LOL, it was a crushing moment in the dream!
So I just...tried to stay away from him, I guess. Every time I went anywhere, I would always go with someone else. Strength in numbers, I guess? So anyways, then one time, I was walking past the caf, and I saw James sitting at a table. I thought to myself, "Great, I can sit with him and then Stupid couldn't do anything." But as I went to the caf, Chester came and was like "Hey, do you want to have lunch with me? I would love to have lunch with you."
At that point, I was just pissed. Like, WTF is this guy trying to do?! He was ruining my life! So I just yelled at him and said, "NO I DON'T WANT TO HAVE LUNCH WITH YOU. STOP BOTHERING ME!" He just kept smiling and smiling and then he pushed me down and I was so, so heavy. I couldn't get up, and he was standing with his foot on my chest. Even when he stopped standing on me, I still couldn't get up. I just kept struggling like a turtle that had been flipped on my back. God, it sucked. And people just kept walking by, students, but no one would help me...
THEN FINALLY, this performer at our school came and helped me. She was a big woman, with pink streaks in her hair and a big pink boa. She was really nice, and pulled me to my feet. Haha, yup so then I got up.
Days passed, and there was an awards show at the school. I was sitting at the back with Kuni and Ivan in the aud. It was a pretty fancy awards show, like the oscars or something. Haha anyways, I was chilling in the back, and then Kuni and Ivan went to get their awards. Just at that time, Chester Stupid came and sat a few seats down from me. It was kind of scary, but then Kuni and Ivan came back right away. When Stupid went to get his award, Kuni and Ivan and I made a plan for me to leave, because we somehow knew that the next time me and him were alone, it wouldn't end nicely. I ran off down the tech hall, and turned at the auto room?
In that room, Billy was working as a secretary or something at a table shop. His hair was dyed (WOW, BLAST FROM THE PAST). Anyways, I asked him if I could hide out in his shop, and he said sure. He even pointed me to a place in the corner where I could hide. Cassie and Carren were already there, and it was beside this aquarium. I played with them for a bit, but then they left and I got bored. I went into this room with this awesome table. It was like a xylophone, made up of these wooden rods/planks all held together with strings. Well, I touched it, and the whole thing fell apart. The boss of the store came in and told Billy to fix it. She was pretty angry with me, and said to Billy, "And please, tell your FRIEND, not to touch anything."
...Yup.
So then a few more days passed, and in the end, I was in the tech hall alone. He got me. Bah. He was strong, and pulled me into the boys' changeroom. In the room, there was this trapdoor. We went down into this tunnel, and we ended up in this dark dungeon place. Haha, don't worry kids, nothing bad really happened. I was scared but...turned out okay?
Anyways, he led me to this cave place. There were three blue shiny pillars of light. In one of them was Boccia. In the other was Meera. Haha Meera had blue eyes...they were so pretty. Chester Stupid told me that they were collecting human specimens, really smart people (OKAY WHATEVER, MY SUBCONSCIOUS IS COCKY!). So I lived in that cave place for like 2 months. The cave eventually turned into this really weird store, with mirrors and funky mannequins and stuff. Turns out, it was a store on FV. Haha, but I knew in my heart that my mommy would never find me, because she would never go to a store like that.
I asked them if I could call my mom. They said sure, but I would have to read off a script. I said, "Forget it. Hell no." Haha, but I still had a cell phone! For some reason, I saw this cute guy, and I took a picture of him with the phone. Then Chester came to me later and deleted it. He explained that everything was connected, and I shouldn't be distracted by the world and boys and such. JEEZ! Haha.
Okay, so I was still doing my school work. The school would send me my homework and assignments in the mail, and I would do them. Mr Wong and my Chem class would send me lots of care packages, full of cookies and letters and such. (Thank you guys! Haha.) HOWEVER, one day, I had to go back to school to do an Am Hist test. They let me out, but I had to wear stockings and Timberland boots. When I got to school, I was gonna tell Mr. Brown about what was happening in that...CULT! IT WAS LIKE A CULT!! There were believers and such!!
Yah, but then I saw Kuni and Ivan and got distracted and talked to them instead. And then the dream was over.
The end.
I told Mr Brown the dream, and he said that in real life, he would help me without a doubt. LOL sorry I made you a bad guy in my dream.
:) Yah that's my crazy dream. Wonder what it means!!
Friday, June 11, 2010
Another Friday
Another another another another another.
Mixed day today. Physics was a disaster. I would be worried about it, but I've just decided to let it go. I studied all I could, worried and all that. Ended badly, but at least I'm not alone, haha. It was just...long. Confusing. Physics textbook, goodbye. You can't make fun of me anymore!
Went to Tony's house afterwards, with the girls. Haha "the girls". Wow. It was fun. Watched Glee finale. Watched Lie to Me, which was WACKED OUT BEYOND BELIEF. Crazy stuff. It was this sociopath psycho murderer dude. He was like "going out" with a prof, who was the main characters old gf. He "went out" with her too when he was her student at the university, learning...lie detection? So basically, it was a cat and mouse chess game sort of thing. The murderer dude knew that lie guy was coming after him, and they just tried to outsmart each other.
ANYWAYS, in the end, he was guilty. He buried 4 bodies in this field tree place haha. He tortured his victims by drowning them multiple times, then performing CPR to save them at the last minute. SO. CRAZY. HOLY.
...haha yah it was WACKKK. Then we had KD, which I usually HATEEEEEE TOOOO DEATHHHH, but today I really really wanted to eat it.
Okay, so yah now I'm at home. Just finished reading this manga. :( I'm sad it's over. I need to study math but I can't. I JUST CAN'T DO IT.
...LOL...waiting waiting waiting.
The manga was weird. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO strange? I was kind of confused, but the relationship between the girl and guy was really sweet. @__@...jealous.
Meh, okay, I'll................chill for a bit. Maybe take a shower?
TAH TAH.
Mixed day today. Physics was a disaster. I would be worried about it, but I've just decided to let it go. I studied all I could, worried and all that. Ended badly, but at least I'm not alone, haha. It was just...long. Confusing. Physics textbook, goodbye. You can't make fun of me anymore!
Went to Tony's house afterwards, with the girls. Haha "the girls". Wow. It was fun. Watched Glee finale. Watched Lie to Me, which was WACKED OUT BEYOND BELIEF. Crazy stuff. It was this sociopath psycho murderer dude. He was like "going out" with a prof, who was the main characters old gf. He "went out" with her too when he was her student at the university, learning...lie detection? So basically, it was a cat and mouse chess game sort of thing. The murderer dude knew that lie guy was coming after him, and they just tried to outsmart each other.
ANYWAYS, in the end, he was guilty. He buried 4 bodies in this field tree place haha. He tortured his victims by drowning them multiple times, then performing CPR to save them at the last minute. SO. CRAZY. HOLY.
...haha yah it was WACKKK. Then we had KD, which I usually HATEEEEEE TOOOO DEATHHHH, but today I really really wanted to eat it.
Okay, so yah now I'm at home. Just finished reading this manga. :( I'm sad it's over. I need to study math but I can't. I JUST CAN'T DO IT.
...LOL...waiting waiting waiting.
The manga was weird. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO strange? I was kind of confused, but the relationship between the girl and guy was really sweet. @__@...jealous.
Meh, okay, I'll................chill for a bit. Maybe take a shower?
TAH TAH.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Oops
Sorry the 54th post was not actually my 54th post. It was like 44th or something. It was my 54th...thing. Haha I have a lot of draft posts that I either got too lazy to finish or too embarrassed to post. Sorry Grace. 53 is still coming!!
A Separate Peace
Okay before I hand in my book here are some quotes.
"Nothing endures, not a tree, not love, not even a death by violence."
"Changed, I headed back through the mud. I was drenched; anybody could see it was time to come out of the rain."
"I should have told him then that he was my best friend also and rounded off what he had said. I started to; I nearly did. But something held me back. Perhaps I was stopped by that level of feeling, deeper than through, which contains the truth."
"...and the rays of the sun were shooting past them, millions of rays shooting past them like - like golden machine-gun fire. That's what it was like, if you want to know. The two of them looked as black as - as black as death standing up there with this fire burning all around them."
"After all, I reflected to myself, people were shooting flames into caves and grilling other people alive, ships were being torpedoed and dropping thousands of men in the icy oceans, whole city blocks were exploding into flame in an instant. My brief burst of animosity, lasting only a second, a part of a second, something which came before I could recognize it and was gone before I knew it had possessed me, what was that in the midst of this holocaust?"
"He was nodding his head, his jaw tightening and his eyes closed on the tears. 'I believe you. It's okay because I understand and I believe you. You've already shown me and I believe you.'"
"I did not cry then or ever about Finny. I did not cry even when I stood watching him being lowered into his family's straight-laced burial ground outside of Boston. I could not escape a feeling that this was my own funeral, and you do not cry in that case."
"All of them, all except Phineas, constructed at infinite cost to themselves these Maginot Lines against this enemy they thought they saw across the frontier, this enemy who never attacked that way - if he ever attacked at all; if he was indeed the enemy."
Okay so what we kind of learn:
1) We make our own enemies.
2) Loss of innocence is a part of life.
3) ...Don't know.
Haha. Guess I'm not doing that one for my exam. I like the quote about the holocaust and all the crappy things happening, and how his hate should be nothing in such an era. But I think they are trying to say that it's not true. Hate is hate, violence is violence. They might not happen on the same scale, but it is there and it is wrong. A murder does not justify a theft. Death does not justify pain. There is no such connection.
*I just thought of this, like an hour later. All the crap in the world, all the goodness, all acts stand alone. They cannot be compared because they will never share the same quality, and each moment has its own identity. That is why you cannot disregard any small kindness or any moderate cruelty. WOW! ASP, you are teaching me all over the place!
LOLLLLL man oh man exam man. Hhahahahahahaha I dunno what I'm gonna write about. Probably the symbol one, but I still dunno what that entails. People keep talking about Leper's windows? What? I don't even remember them.
Okay I re-read the passage and...what? That was like 2 sentences. They weren't even really...mentioned. It was like "the house had 2 windows. One had a star, one had Leper. Leper was looking out the window."
...That's it. Umm...I'm still confused. :S I really don't see that as a symbol guys!!
I wonder if it's alright to just use Leper as a symbol. Because his windows...that's really stretching it for me. Leper!
...Hmm I don't know what else to study. I finally read the book again a few days ago. There's no need for quotes or anything...Hmm...
Bah! Wish me luck tomorrow! Imma do...I dunno. :D
"Nothing endures, not a tree, not love, not even a death by violence."
"Changed, I headed back through the mud. I was drenched; anybody could see it was time to come out of the rain."
"I should have told him then that he was my best friend also and rounded off what he had said. I started to; I nearly did. But something held me back. Perhaps I was stopped by that level of feeling, deeper than through, which contains the truth."
"...and the rays of the sun were shooting past them, millions of rays shooting past them like - like golden machine-gun fire. That's what it was like, if you want to know. The two of them looked as black as - as black as death standing up there with this fire burning all around them."
"After all, I reflected to myself, people were shooting flames into caves and grilling other people alive, ships were being torpedoed and dropping thousands of men in the icy oceans, whole city blocks were exploding into flame in an instant. My brief burst of animosity, lasting only a second, a part of a second, something which came before I could recognize it and was gone before I knew it had possessed me, what was that in the midst of this holocaust?"
"He was nodding his head, his jaw tightening and his eyes closed on the tears. 'I believe you. It's okay because I understand and I believe you. You've already shown me and I believe you.'"
"I did not cry then or ever about Finny. I did not cry even when I stood watching him being lowered into his family's straight-laced burial ground outside of Boston. I could not escape a feeling that this was my own funeral, and you do not cry in that case."
"All of them, all except Phineas, constructed at infinite cost to themselves these Maginot Lines against this enemy they thought they saw across the frontier, this enemy who never attacked that way - if he ever attacked at all; if he was indeed the enemy."
Okay so what we kind of learn:
1) We make our own enemies.
2) Loss of innocence is a part of life.
3) ...Don't know.
Haha. Guess I'm not doing that one for my exam. I like the quote about the holocaust and all the crappy things happening, and how his hate should be nothing in such an era. But I think they are trying to say that it's not true. Hate is hate, violence is violence. They might not happen on the same scale, but it is there and it is wrong. A murder does not justify a theft. Death does not justify pain. There is no such connection.
*I just thought of this, like an hour later. All the crap in the world, all the goodness, all acts stand alone. They cannot be compared because they will never share the same quality, and each moment has its own identity. That is why you cannot disregard any small kindness or any moderate cruelty. WOW! ASP, you are teaching me all over the place!
LOLLLLL man oh man exam man. Hhahahahahahaha I dunno what I'm gonna write about. Probably the symbol one, but I still dunno what that entails. People keep talking about Leper's windows? What? I don't even remember them.
Okay I re-read the passage and...what? That was like 2 sentences. They weren't even really...mentioned. It was like "the house had 2 windows. One had a star, one had Leper. Leper was looking out the window."
...That's it. Umm...I'm still confused. :S I really don't see that as a symbol guys!!
I wonder if it's alright to just use Leper as a symbol. Because his windows...that's really stretching it for me. Leper!
...Hmm I don't know what else to study. I finally read the book again a few days ago. There's no need for quotes or anything...Hmm...
Bah! Wish me luck tomorrow! Imma do...I dunno. :D
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
54
Hey Grace. This is my 54th post. :( Sorry, missed by one.
Anyways. Life is okay. Exams are coming up, but they are coming for everyone, and then we will all complain and study and cry and then they will be over and life will go on. So...yeah don't sweat them so much. Haha. We'll get through them. :)
It's been good lately. Feeling pretty content. Feeling not so psycho. Hahaha, it's been pretty good. I'm just trying to be more chill and more honest, but sometimes they kind of conflict. Haha...when I get pissed, I'm trying to just let it out now, rather than keep it in, but then I'm not so chill, am I?
Fufufufufufufufu. I saw a rabbit this morning. It was cute. It was jumping on the hill when I left for school. There was no MIA meeting. It was cancelled. BOO.
laskdjflaskdjglaskdjfas SO ANNOYED EFFING INTERNET WON'T STAY ON STUPID. Ugh.
==;; Bad mood now. Going. Bye.
Anyways. Life is okay. Exams are coming up, but they are coming for everyone, and then we will all complain and study and cry and then they will be over and life will go on. So...yeah don't sweat them so much. Haha. We'll get through them. :)
It's been good lately. Feeling pretty content. Feeling not so psycho. Hahaha, it's been pretty good. I'm just trying to be more chill and more honest, but sometimes they kind of conflict. Haha...when I get pissed, I'm trying to just let it out now, rather than keep it in, but then I'm not so chill, am I?
Fufufufufufufufu. I saw a rabbit this morning. It was cute. It was jumping on the hill when I left for school. There was no MIA meeting. It was cancelled. BOO.
laskdjflaskdjglaskdjfas SO ANNOYED EFFING INTERNET WON'T STAY ON STUPID. Ugh.
==;; Bad mood now. Going. Bye.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Dream 2
Okay, so today I took the SAT. We'll see how that pans out, but that's all you need to know for the dream.
So in the dream, I was writing the SAT. Well sort of. It was half music class, half SAT. So Mr. Rice and Ms. Gassi were administrating it. But first they showed us this clip show, akin to the one they showed at music banquet. And they were talking to us about money, and how it was their last year, but they really wanted to get money for the music department before they left. So they kind of talked about how we gave a music fee of $20 at the beginning of the year and then introduced the "Farewell Fee", which was $10. People were pissed, to say the least?
Then I dunno wtf I was doing, I think I was cutting lettuce for MIA BBQ, but I was cutting it from underneath. Long story short, I sliced off my third finger. And it didn't hurt or anything. Just...it was sliced off my hand. For the first day, I just went around without it. Then the next day, I bandaged it to my hand. Finally, I told my parents and we went to my eye doctor. He said it would cost $2000 for the surgery to reattach it. I was like "Hey, 2000, not bad." But my parents were like "WTF 2000$?! NO WAY! YOU DON'T NEED THAT FINGER!"
...Yah and that's my dream.
(Don't worry, my parents would pay for it!! ;D)
So in the dream, I was writing the SAT. Well sort of. It was half music class, half SAT. So Mr. Rice and Ms. Gassi were administrating it. But first they showed us this clip show, akin to the one they showed at music banquet. And they were talking to us about money, and how it was their last year, but they really wanted to get money for the music department before they left. So they kind of talked about how we gave a music fee of $20 at the beginning of the year and then introduced the "Farewell Fee", which was $10. People were pissed, to say the least?
Then I dunno wtf I was doing, I think I was cutting lettuce for MIA BBQ, but I was cutting it from underneath. Long story short, I sliced off my third finger. And it didn't hurt or anything. Just...it was sliced off my hand. For the first day, I just went around without it. Then the next day, I bandaged it to my hand. Finally, I told my parents and we went to my eye doctor. He said it would cost $2000 for the surgery to reattach it. I was like "Hey, 2000, not bad." But my parents were like "WTF 2000$?! NO WAY! YOU DON'T NEED THAT FINGER!"
...Yah and that's my dream.
(Don't worry, my parents would pay for it!! ;D)
JUNE!
I'm not good at thinking of titles. LOL just read and then you'll know the title, I guess. :)
I'm watching the Tyra show right now. They are talking about spanking.
I just like hearing the voices speaking. The noise is comforting.
Okay let's talk about the dream I had last night. My dreams are becoming really, really relevant. They are actually related to what is happening! It's creepy.
I have two new dreams. Not sure if I want to separate into two posts or keep it in one. I think I'll separate them. Okay so I'll start with the one that I had first. 2 days ago. Okay let's start.
This is relevant because...wow. Okay, so I was supposed to walk home with the kid that day. That is another interesting story. I'll talk about that later.
So the dream. Well, it was a school day, and I was just about to get off from last period and go home! But then Madame Pollard decided to keep my French class back after school to do research in the library (for culminating? I'm not too sure.) So I run out first, to tell him that I would be a little late and to wait for me. He looked like a tiger. Omg, I swear, he looked like this anime character...I think from Naruto, not sure. Maybe the guy with the dog. Hmm.
So I go in to do my research, and then Grace comes. She's not normally in my French class, but w/e. She tells me that she's leaving to go to a gymnastics tournament. I didn't know she did gymnastics, but apparently, she got really into it because Ms. Gassi convinced her to do it. They became really good friends in the process. I got a momentary glimpse of this dojo/restaurant where Grace trained. She was a champion gymnast.
Anyways, I finish my research, and go out to meet him. He was joined by Billy and Michael and Kevin. Strange crowd, haha. So anyways, it's winter time, and the sun was kind of setting. We walked to Billy's house, even though in real life, Billy lives in the opposite direction. So when we are almost there, James says that he has to go back to school. So I just go to Billy's house, but inside, there's Vanessa Wen (who I don't even know. I don't even know what she looks like. Jeez, my subconscious is strange.) So in my dream, she's this really small, pale, doll-like girl. Really, really cute. (I'm sure she's cute in real life too!) And she dated Billy before. They were all huddled up and looking at this notebook they had made when going out. It was full of notes and drawings and she kept saying "Did you see what I added?" becuase she added another packet of pages.
SO I GOT BORED. Felt kind of left out, didn't want to intrude. They were really cute, eh? Anyways, I decided to go back to school. I was walking alone up the hill, and everything was golden (sun was setting.) It was pretty. Then in the middle of the street, I get an msn message from James. He's telling me he's sorry for dissapearing, but he had e-sports at school and had forgotten about it. Oh yeah, it was 5:15 pm. I had checked my watch. I dunno what e-sports is but...enh.
Anyways, in real life, it didn't work out this way. Haha, Grace was so heartbroken. It was raining like crazy, and I guess we just kept missing each other in the hallways. I went home the usual way and went by the river. It was amazing! Gushing like crazy. I really want to get out my big rain boots and go play in the river sometime. Hmm...:)
Oh, and I know I'm late but...
HAPPY JUNE! Almost summerrrr!
I'm watching the Tyra show right now. They are talking about spanking.
I just like hearing the voices speaking. The noise is comforting.
Okay let's talk about the dream I had last night. My dreams are becoming really, really relevant. They are actually related to what is happening! It's creepy.
I have two new dreams. Not sure if I want to separate into two posts or keep it in one. I think I'll separate them. Okay so I'll start with the one that I had first. 2 days ago. Okay let's start.
This is relevant because...wow. Okay, so I was supposed to walk home with the kid that day. That is another interesting story. I'll talk about that later.
So the dream. Well, it was a school day, and I was just about to get off from last period and go home! But then Madame Pollard decided to keep my French class back after school to do research in the library (for culminating? I'm not too sure.) So I run out first, to tell him that I would be a little late and to wait for me. He looked like a tiger. Omg, I swear, he looked like this anime character...I think from Naruto, not sure. Maybe the guy with the dog. Hmm.
So I go in to do my research, and then Grace comes. She's not normally in my French class, but w/e. She tells me that she's leaving to go to a gymnastics tournament. I didn't know she did gymnastics, but apparently, she got really into it because Ms. Gassi convinced her to do it. They became really good friends in the process. I got a momentary glimpse of this dojo/restaurant where Grace trained. She was a champion gymnast.
Anyways, I finish my research, and go out to meet him. He was joined by Billy and Michael and Kevin. Strange crowd, haha. So anyways, it's winter time, and the sun was kind of setting. We walked to Billy's house, even though in real life, Billy lives in the opposite direction. So when we are almost there, James says that he has to go back to school. So I just go to Billy's house, but inside, there's Vanessa Wen (who I don't even know. I don't even know what she looks like. Jeez, my subconscious is strange.) So in my dream, she's this really small, pale, doll-like girl. Really, really cute. (I'm sure she's cute in real life too!) And she dated Billy before. They were all huddled up and looking at this notebook they had made when going out. It was full of notes and drawings and she kept saying "Did you see what I added?" becuase she added another packet of pages.
SO I GOT BORED. Felt kind of left out, didn't want to intrude. They were really cute, eh? Anyways, I decided to go back to school. I was walking alone up the hill, and everything was golden (sun was setting.) It was pretty. Then in the middle of the street, I get an msn message from James. He's telling me he's sorry for dissapearing, but he had e-sports at school and had forgotten about it. Oh yeah, it was 5:15 pm. I had checked my watch. I dunno what e-sports is but...enh.
Anyways, in real life, it didn't work out this way. Haha, Grace was so heartbroken. It was raining like crazy, and I guess we just kept missing each other in the hallways. I went home the usual way and went by the river. It was amazing! Gushing like crazy. I really want to get out my big rain boots and go play in the river sometime. Hmm...:)
Oh, and I know I'm late but...
HAPPY JUNE! Almost summerrrr!
Monday, May 24, 2010
New Post
My brother just said, "You have no life. Unless you're Edward Cullen."
Haha, that's great man. I told him to go away. He punched me.
WHAT'S UP EVERYONE?!
Strange things happened. To everyone who said it was obvious, kudos to you. Haha, he guessed it yesterday. I'm still deciding on how I feel. I dunno, he was pretty chill about it, but man...Yeah, I don't know how I feel.
I was alright for the first bit, just talking with him. Chill, I guess. But I dunno, I felt like a crappy person. LOL it was an interesting moment. First time I ever did anything for myself like this. First time I ever went after something I really wanted.
...Haha, I kind of failed but...the idea is there. Jenn can go after the things she wants. Man, now I have to FIND those things.
...Eh. I'll go mull over math some more. Still have to do French too. FML.
Haha, that's great man. I told him to go away. He punched me.
WHAT'S UP EVERYONE?!
Strange things happened. To everyone who said it was obvious, kudos to you. Haha, he guessed it yesterday. I'm still deciding on how I feel. I dunno, he was pretty chill about it, but man...Yeah, I don't know how I feel.
I was alright for the first bit, just talking with him. Chill, I guess. But I dunno, I felt like a crappy person. LOL it was an interesting moment. First time I ever did anything for myself like this. First time I ever went after something I really wanted.
...Haha, I kind of failed but...the idea is there. Jenn can go after the things she wants. Man, now I have to FIND those things.
...Eh. I'll go mull over math some more. Still have to do French too. FML.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Naps
Yo I am feeling terrible right now. I was reading this book and then I put my head down and down and thought, "This is really comfortable," and then I was asleep.
Haha, it's actually my fault. I knew it would happen. Dummy me! My mom actually woke me up halfway, to make me get under the covers. But then I just felt...crappy. So I just got up and now...Dunno where everyone is. LOL I WAKE UP AND I'M LIKE ALONE.
Bah I'm feeling better.
Beading.
Chill.
Life's pretty good for now. :D
Haha, it's actually my fault. I knew it would happen. Dummy me! My mom actually woke me up halfway, to make me get under the covers. But then I just felt...crappy. So I just got up and now...Dunno where everyone is. LOL I WAKE UP AND I'M LIKE ALONE.
Bah I'm feeling better.
Beading.
Chill.
Life's pretty good for now. :D
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Another Sunday
Another Sunday. Deja vu, AGAIN!
So, another day has gone by. I set out to finish math, english, french and am hist. I finished English and French. Maybe half of math. NO am hist.
Not too bad. Not bad at all.
I certainly could have done worse today. Haha.
I finished A Separate Peace. Usually I like these school novels, but this one was...I dunno seemed too unrealistic.
Man distracted again.
Lame lame lame lame lame lame. Hate being distracted. I guess I could be using this time to do math. But...no sorry lazy.
Okay bed time. LOL this blog spanned over like an hour.
Not even interesting.
Sorry for wasting your time.
:) Love you.
So, another day has gone by. I set out to finish math, english, french and am hist. I finished English and French. Maybe half of math. NO am hist.
Not too bad. Not bad at all.
I certainly could have done worse today. Haha.
I finished A Separate Peace. Usually I like these school novels, but this one was...I dunno seemed too unrealistic.
Man distracted again.
Lame lame lame lame lame lame. Hate being distracted. I guess I could be using this time to do math. But...no sorry lazy.
Okay bed time. LOL this blog spanned over like an hour.
Not even interesting.
Sorry for wasting your time.
:) Love you.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Dear Jennifer
Hey, this is just a reminder to me.
Jennifer, don't angst. It's stupid. It's depressing. It's NOT COOL.
Love,
Jenn
PS. This goes for everyone. If I'm not allowed to do it, no one is allowed to do it! ;D
Jennifer, don't angst. It's stupid. It's depressing. It's NOT COOL.
Love,
Jenn
PS. This goes for everyone. If I'm not allowed to do it, no one is allowed to do it! ;D
"No..."
You see that title? LOL NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I'm supposed to be doing math, but I can't focus. I am so angry...I thought our math ISU was on the 27th but it's actually on the 21st. Which sucks a lot of stuff. Because that's the day of my English content test. And the day my French poster is due. And the day that American history is due. PLUS the day after the music concert. ARE YOU @*#$@*#%$@(#$ ME?! LIKE HONESTLY, WHAT IS THIS?!
...Just want to cry right now. Thinking about it all it just too stressful.
So we'll think about something stupider.
...........I'm still smarting over it........But I think it's kind of funny so...here we go...
So...we're talking talking talking talking...and then my buddy comes up and says, "HEY. HEY, SHE'S NOT INTO YOU, OKAY? GET A CLUE".
"..." <-- awkward silence shared by both of us. LOL.
"DO YOU GET IT?! SHE'S NOT INTO YOU."
"..." LOL GETS EVEN AWKWARDER!
Then he goes: "Whatever. I'm not into her either."
.............................................................................
Did you hear that? Oh, right, it's the sound of my HEART BREAKING!
LOL. I wanted to just chase after him and be like "NO! I'M INTO YOU, I'M INTO YOU." :( Huh...
I just...it's so different this time, because it's not just me being stupid, admiring from afar or whatever. I actually kind of know this kid, and I dunno, makes it different. Huh, whatever.
AND YO. I had a crazy dream last night. Dreamt that we had gotten the MIA thing, but like people were really, really angry with us, which is why we always ate lunch in the MIA office. And like, Yooseung and Jason were telling us about our new lives, and how we would have body guards and stuff and could never be alone. But I made the mistake of going alone somewhere, and then these three crazy chicks broke the glass and started coming after me and throwing glass at me. I ran down to the elevator and then to the stairs, but they thought I went in the elevator.
...Okay, the point is, IT WAS CRAZY SCARY. Man. Okay, whatever.
Over.
I'm supposed to be doing math, but I can't focus. I am so angry...I thought our math ISU was on the 27th but it's actually on the 21st. Which sucks a lot of stuff. Because that's the day of my English content test. And the day my French poster is due. And the day that American history is due. PLUS the day after the music concert. ARE YOU @*#$@*#%$@(#$ ME?! LIKE HONESTLY, WHAT IS THIS?!
...Just want to cry right now. Thinking about it all it just too stressful.
So we'll think about something stupider.
...........I'm still smarting over it........But I think it's kind of funny so...here we go...
So...we're talking talking talking talking...and then my buddy comes up and says, "HEY. HEY, SHE'S NOT INTO YOU, OKAY? GET A CLUE".
"..." <-- awkward silence shared by both of us. LOL.
"DO YOU GET IT?! SHE'S NOT INTO YOU."
"..." LOL GETS EVEN AWKWARDER!
Then he goes: "Whatever. I'm not into her either."
.............................................................................
Did you hear that? Oh, right, it's the sound of my HEART BREAKING!
LOL. I wanted to just chase after him and be like "NO! I'M INTO YOU, I'M INTO YOU." :( Huh...
I just...it's so different this time, because it's not just me being stupid, admiring from afar or whatever. I actually kind of know this kid, and I dunno, makes it different. Huh, whatever.
AND YO. I had a crazy dream last night. Dreamt that we had gotten the MIA thing, but like people were really, really angry with us, which is why we always ate lunch in the MIA office. And like, Yooseung and Jason were telling us about our new lives, and how we would have body guards and stuff and could never be alone. But I made the mistake of going alone somewhere, and then these three crazy chicks broke the glass and started coming after me and throwing glass at me. I ran down to the elevator and then to the stairs, but they thought I went in the elevator.
...Okay, the point is, IT WAS CRAZY SCARY. Man. Okay, whatever.
Over.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Okay Home
Okay home. LOL HAHA FEELS LIKE A DEJA VU, BUT WHY?! ;D wink wink wink wink wink.
Okay I should be working. Holy jeez, I'm being TERRIBLE these days. During CULMINATING. This is just horrible. HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!
I should do some math. And that I will.
Ciao man.
Okay I should be working. Holy jeez, I'm being TERRIBLE these days. During CULMINATING. This is just horrible. HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!
I should do some math. And that I will.
Ciao man.
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