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Finally, just a plain day.
Always ending up going out. $2 $2 $2.
Dunno what to do now though...just sitting here.
I guess I could research...my future.
Not now. Lol, I can't think about it.
Gonna keep avoiding that subject...

Knowing you makes me anxious.
It really does, if I'm being honest.
You've always known what you want, but I wonder if that is really what you want.
Haha, do you get it?

I've thought about it sometimes. Tried to. Can't.
But you've always known. Life Science. Med School. Doctor.

You sound so sure.
Amazing.

I'm not sure I can be like you, ever.
I kind of live in a dream, y'know?
I guess you don't have as many bottomless nights.
But I wonder if you are going so fast into that future
That you don't really notice, or really want to notice, the now.

I look at my girls and look at my boys and marvel.
Their smiles make me smile, their laughs make my day.
I want to hold on to their moments, my moments
There's success in this too.

I guess it's not worth money or fame or notation
Not something anyone will clap for you about
Not something anyone will know you for
Not something anyone will covet.

Well maybe I'll covet it, haha.

But it's worth something, right?

I'll figure out my future
It'll work out, because I believe it will.
Just the way it is.

I just keep realizing that happiness is not always what we want.
I have a handful of friends.
I'm so fucking awkward, haha.
I live in this beautiful terrible world.
I'm paranoid as hell.
I like a boy who will never grow up.
I'm worthless by standards.
I have no idea what I want.
I have no visible future, only ideas.

I am so fucking happy.

Maybe that's my strength. :S
A teacher once said that she saw me skipping down a hall one day, and that the look on my face was pure happiness. She said some people grow up and in their whole life, will never know happiness like that, and that I had already found it.

There are a million things that we will always be angry, confused, hurt about. There is so much crap, so much uncertainty. It bugs the hell out of me sometimes. But it will always be there. As long as we are interacting with each other, unperfect beingns, there will always be an imperfect world. There is industry in impurity, and industry in trying to fix it. These will always be industries, because it will never end.

Utopia is just an idea, and maybe it is just a peace we find in ourselves. A separate peace. (OMG ASP IS LIKE THE NOVEL OF A CENTURY JEEZ. I'VE BEEN PULLING FROM THAT BOOK FOR EVERYTHING HOLY. SORRY SORRY I TAKE IT BACK. I SAID IT WAS A BAD BOOK BUT DAMN I CAN'T STOP LEARNING FROM IT.)

Kay I'm about done.

1) Be happy now, it's all you can be sure about.
2) Work towards your future, but don't worry if it doesn't work out. It is never the end of the world (until 2012). There's always another way, y'know?
3) Read ASP, god dammit!!!!!!
4) Count your blessing then count your suckings and then enjoy them all.
5) I hope that everyone working for their goals is happy once they reach them. Sometimes, having a goal might just be plugging a hole. I guess it's better than drugs or alcohol, but once you reach that goal, the hole will still be there. Fix that shizzle, it won't go away.

And as Michelle Phan always says:

Good Luck.

Bye.