DAY 6

Day six: five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)

No order + no family. Ohh....much more fun........Guesssss who?!

Gracey, Imma take your lead...;D since I like your style.

:( I miss you!!!!

1) My girl

2) My boy

3) My editor

4) My bucket...hold all my secrets...

5) My wife

If you think one of them is you...it probably is. If you don't you're there, but you want to be...you probably are there. It's all about you you you.

DAY 5

Day five: six things you wish you’d never done.

Sorry sorry kind of late....
:) Anyways....

1) Write that dumbass story dammit. Lol Grace, you know what I'm talking about...;D

2) Let her take advantage of me AHHHHHH. >:| Should have told her to eff off.

3) Give away my first kiss so easily.

4) Deleting those emails, haha.

5) Not going to Shad...sort of. This is an iffy one.

6) Taking swimming too early. Taking piano too early. Now that I am old enough to use them, I can't, haha.

I don't regret anything. Lol, I'm sure I've said this before, but everything that happens to us happens for a reason and makes us who we are. We would not be who we are now if we did not go through what we have been through. DESTINYYYYYY.

I don't regret things that were painful or stupid, but who changed who I am. :S What's the pointtttttttt?

DAY 4

Day four: seven things that cross your mind a lot.

1) Destiny. LOL SHUT UP I'M NOT LAME. I like thinking about these kind of things. Like...today, I could have walked two paths. I chose the longer path today. I wonder what would have changed if I took the shorter path.

2) Karma, God, mystic forces, w/e. When I have to make a decision or talk or do something, I seem to think about these things. Makes me wonder if I really am a good person or not. Dunno if I act on my own behalf or not. ==;;...eh

3) I'm a daydreamer. I make up my own plays in my head, imagine what I want to hear, impossible situations. You can take a walk with me in my head, when you're not around. ;D

4) Things to do. Stop being bored. Get up and do something! Read, take a walk, shower, w/e. Research, blah blah blah. Lame everyday life stuff.

5) Relationships, lol. That is a fancy way to say guys. Well, girls too. Family, people, w/e. I always think too much. 7 is too little!!!! I NEED MORE SPACE. WHAT ABOUT ALL THE DEAD DREADS I HAVE?! ALL THE WORRYING?! DUDEEEEEE I NEED MORE SPACE. I think about love. Philosophy...fml lame.

6) Huh, the coming future. Grade 12 looming. Hope it goes smoothly. Uni coming...ah. Living on my own...working...somewhere. GOING OUT INTO THE WORLD! LEAVING THE NEST! ...bah, can't think about it.

7) Myself. Stupid self-aware, over-thinking me. Worry worry worry worry worry dumb dumb socially inept. Lame.

Oh and of course,

You.

Who?

Bye.

DAY 3

Day three: eight ways to win your heart.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy where do we start?

1) Be funny. I always feel that funny guys get the girl. Because...hey, looks fade. In 50 years, we'll all look pretty similar. But if you're funny, that means 1) you're good with words, 2) you're smart, and 3) you'll always make me smile. :)

2) Be straight with me. Say what's on your mind, even if it makes you sort of a jerk. Honesty is sexyyyyyy. ;D

3) Stand up straight. I don't like when dudes hunch over or like...cower. Sort of just shows confidence. And on that note, be confident. Look me in the eyes when you talk to me.

4) This might be kind of shallow, but if you have a talent...fml it's cool. You don't even have to be that good. If you have a hobby, or rather, you just LIKE something, then it will be something I would want to share with you. Sports, music, w/e.

5) MAKE THE FIRST MOVE! Dudes, take this hint: yes, we've got feminism, but CHIVALRY IS ALIVE! Girls love that shizzle, so ask me out first. Ask me to dance. Ask me if I wanna hang out. Please! :)

6) I like guys who are cool, but warm up.

7) Tease me to high heavens. If we don't know each other well, this is a nice way to approach without seeming...too uptight and robotic. I'm a playful person. LOL I'm always looking for someone new to tap on the shoulder and run away. :( Ms Chipps and Grace are too smart...never works on them...

8) Be a man. A gentleman, preferably. :) C'mon, the ladies all know what that means!


:) Tried not to be superficial...........I think I did alright.

In all honesty, there's no key. Either I like you or a don't. You could have everything, and I might be like "enh". Dunno what changes how I feel, haha.

DAY 2

Day two: nine things about yourself.

1) My favourite colour is pink. Yeah, yeah so original, I know, but this confession comes from years of self-denial!!! I told myself, "you can't like pink because that is for girls and you are not a 'girl'". Lame, but hey, I like pink. I like pink and shiny things and pretty things. There.

2) I think too much. ...makes me awkward and prematurely gray, but enh.

3) I really like everything about beaches, water, ocean, sea, w/e. I love rocks, sand, fish, shells. Every time I go to a beach or a lake or river, I bring home pocketfuls of shells and rocks and whatever else I manage to find. (FISH!!!)

4) If I take a bite of something with my left side, I'll have to take a bite of it on my right side too. If I pet a snake with my left hand, I'll have to feel it with my right hand too. Gotta keep it equal. Don't want any side of me to experience something more or less. :( Or else they might feel left out!

5) My favourite childhood stuffed animal was a bear called Mushu. It's real name (that was printed on his tag) was Evan. He was really soft, and wore blue corduroy feety pajamas. I carried him everywhere but eventually forgot about him. :(

6) I have a weird birth mark/thing on my left foot. It is so weird. People always ask me if it's a burn. It looks like it. The skin is raised and bumpy and tough. But no, it's not. I've had it since I was born. The doctor noticed two things of note about me: 1) my big feet and 2) my weirdo birth mark.

7) I check my closet before I go to bed. If I don't, I feel drawn towards it, and then I have to open my light and check it. If my feet are not on the bed, I'm scared they will be grabbed or SAWED OFF EWE. Lol, I'm scared of being kidnapped. ==;;...

8) The most played song in my music library w/e is called "三人游". It's about a love triangle. If you want, listen here. My favourite song is Casshern. Haha, it's also the song I want to be played at my funeral!

9) OH! Karma. I think that we all have our destinies, and every decision we make just brings us closer to what we are moving towards. There are no wrong choices, but that's where karma comes it. If you send out negative energy, it will come back to haunt you. Shh, I'm a woman of science but I believe in this!!!


Okay there are 9 things, but this one goes without saying.

I BELIEVE IN LOVE! :)

Done. Fml this took forever. Tried to keep it...not so mundane....(ps I love beads.)

DAY 1

Day one: ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

I've been blogging like mad today, but EFF IT. I like doing things on the computer that are "quiet" (eg, not Youtube or Wimp or videos. I like reading articles and writing, because then I can listen to music, haha.)

Do I even have 10 friends? ...lol. TT.

1) She's a fool.
2) How have you been feeling since then?
3) You're not alone.
4) Thanks for being my friend. I cherish you, y'know?
5) ...just go away. You have enough.
6) It's so easy!
7) What is this? What are we?
8) :S You're beautiful, stupid.
9) REPLY ALREADY, JEEZ!
10) Sorry to disappoint. Just give up, because I'm happy.

Done.

LOL TOOK SO LONG OMG.

More

Finally, just a plain day.
Always ending up going out. $2 $2 $2.
Dunno what to do now though...just sitting here.
I guess I could research...my future.
Not now. Lol, I can't think about it.
Gonna keep avoiding that subject...

Knowing you makes me anxious.
It really does, if I'm being honest.
You've always known what you want, but I wonder if that is really what you want.
Haha, do you get it?

I've thought about it sometimes. Tried to. Can't.
But you've always known. Life Science. Med School. Doctor.

You sound so sure.
Amazing.

I'm not sure I can be like you, ever.
I kind of live in a dream, y'know?
I guess you don't have as many bottomless nights.
But I wonder if you are going so fast into that future
That you don't really notice, or really want to notice, the now.

I look at my girls and look at my boys and marvel.
Their smiles make me smile, their laughs make my day.
I want to hold on to their moments, my moments
There's success in this too.

I guess it's not worth money or fame or notation
Not something anyone will clap for you about
Not something anyone will know you for
Not something anyone will covet.

Well maybe I'll covet it, haha.

But it's worth something, right?

I'll figure out my future
It'll work out, because I believe it will.
Just the way it is.

I just keep realizing that happiness is not always what we want.
I have a handful of friends.
I'm so fucking awkward, haha.
I live in this beautiful terrible world.
I'm paranoid as hell.
I like a boy who will never grow up.
I'm worthless by standards.
I have no idea what I want.
I have no visible future, only ideas.

I am so fucking happy.

Maybe that's my strength. :S
A teacher once said that she saw me skipping down a hall one day, and that the look on my face was pure happiness. She said some people grow up and in their whole life, will never know happiness like that, and that I had already found it.

There are a million things that we will always be angry, confused, hurt about. There is so much crap, so much uncertainty. It bugs the hell out of me sometimes. But it will always be there. As long as we are interacting with each other, unperfect beingns, there will always be an imperfect world. There is industry in impurity, and industry in trying to fix it. These will always be industries, because it will never end.

Utopia is just an idea, and maybe it is just a peace we find in ourselves. A separate peace. (OMG ASP IS LIKE THE NOVEL OF A CENTURY JEEZ. I'VE BEEN PULLING FROM THAT BOOK FOR EVERYTHING HOLY. SORRY SORRY I TAKE IT BACK. I SAID IT WAS A BAD BOOK BUT DAMN I CAN'T STOP LEARNING FROM IT.)

Kay I'm about done.

1) Be happy now, it's all you can be sure about.
2) Work towards your future, but don't worry if it doesn't work out. It is never the end of the world (until 2012). There's always another way, y'know?
3) Read ASP, god dammit!!!!!!
4) Count your blessing then count your suckings and then enjoy them all.
5) I hope that everyone working for their goals is happy once they reach them. Sometimes, having a goal might just be plugging a hole. I guess it's better than drugs or alcohol, but once you reach that goal, the hole will still be there. Fix that shizzle, it won't go away.

And as Michelle Phan always says:

Good Luck.

Bye.

YAY!

Day one: ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day two: nine things about yourself.
Day three: eight ways to win your heart.
Day four: seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day five: six things you wish you’d never done.
Day six: five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day seven: four turn offs.
Day eight: three turn ons.
Day nine: two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day ten: one confession.

:) I'm going to do it too. I don't care if it's not on Tumblr!!!!

I'LL DO IT WITH GRACE! (Ooooo, that could be taken 2 ways. 1) Gracefully. or 2) With Lee face. YAHHH!!!)

:) And Mandy.

Summer

Yo. So it's been a nice summer. Pretty chill.

It's winding down to an end, but it'll come again, y'know?

Huh it's just hard with this MIA stuff. Have to film the movie clip thing, but it's so hard to get everyone organized. Haha, teenagers are busy busy bees. (I'm free everyday, btw).

I saw Tony today. Just got back from China a few days ago. He's a little much sometimes, but I really think he's a fun friend. The atmosphere around him is always so light and playful. Haha, it's refreshing from ANGST MONSTERS. (MANGSTERS!)

He went to the expo in Shanghai, and got to visit 17 (or 19?) of the pavilions. Wow pavilions only has one L. Damn.

Lucky!!!!! VIP executive access....damn man. Haha yah, so we all got our souvenirs today. There were bracelets and keychains and back...patting things... Uhh...water bottles...dolls that never fell down. Perfume for Tony haha.

Watched Up! too...it was cute.

Yeah, nice day.

Huh, another thing. I feel like I've been having really bad karma lately. I feel like my mind doesn't think on it's own...

Sometimes I'll see someone or something and just feel neutral. For example, I'll see a picture of a girl. In my mind, I'll think, "Think bad thoughts." And all these bad things will come out of my mind's mouth. Things like "Stupid BH! She is so effing ugly, her hair is disgusting, she has the grossest chin, she looks like a man." But then I'll think, "What about good things?" And then I'll start tacking off nice things about her, like "she has the nicest hair colour, her skin is perfect, wow her eyes are so shiny."

...And then I sit there and huh. :S My opinions of people tend to change because of that dumb tendency. I think of myself as a really judgmental person, because I do take first impressions and little dumb details seriously. But then, the next time we meet, I would probably have judged and reprimanded and reconsidered you so many times that I end up nowhere. So every encounter is sort of new, because I start it all again. :S You might rub me completely the wrong way and then be awesome then yah.

...But then again, I am only vocal when I'm comfortable and only comfortable with time.

...Hmm...

...Why did I talk about karma?

Fml, this is the worst blog ever.

...Need practice dude. W/e, bye.

Blogging

I miss blogging, but I dunno what to write about. I've been writing my stories. Kind of. Keep branching off into other things, lame. I had dreams but...not that interesting.

So how is everyone?

Good, okay, nice.

I'm feeling okay.

Okay that's it. Sorry nothing today. :(

Dream 7

Okay this one...man I wish I could remember it all...

I was in this restaurant, eating...noodles, I think. There was this family at the table next to us. They had two little girls, one named Molly the other named Sissy. Molly was just a baby, but both girls were able to talk. Haha they were really cute, and I was playing with them.

Then we were in the water. It was like a theme restaurant, and there were boards floating in the water with our food. I was playing with Molly, and taunting her with a spoon. She tried to swim over to me, but she sunk under the water. Her mom was screaming and I went down and grabbed her. I sunk down to the bottom of the pool, then pushed off with my legs to the top.

Molly survived, but after that, there was this huge scandal/dilemma about it. She was still in the hospital, but she was alive. The press blamed her mom for not taking care of her properly, and the police kept trying to talk to me and witnesses. I was trying to avoid them in a bar, and there was a tv show on about another tragedy. Some guy died because he caught a football wrong, and I guess it hit his head?

I didn't really understand why Molly's accident was a tragedy, because well, she was alive. But anyways, I kept walking through the mall, avoiding those reporter dudes. I was with Sally, Grace and Mandy, but we branched off for a bit to buy food. It was...sort of FV, but darker and the layout was different.

For some reason, the whole school was in that mall. I was walking around, and then I saw him standing near some stairs with a guy and two girls. "He's alive." I thought to myself. Haha I had my hood on, and I was wearing a black and white sweater with circles all over it. So I just walked passed them, admiring from afar. When they were out of view, I took off my hood, and kept walking.

Then I felt a tugging on my hood, and I looked back, and bam, there he was. He was wearing a red jacket and khakis...fml. SO. We talked for a bit, and I was really happy, haha. He said he was buying something to eat, and I blurted out, "Eat with me!". He just smiled at me and said no.

So yah, we parted ways, I went back to find my girls. I went into this store with Alice, Marina and Wenxiao, and we were looking at mirrors. I was buying Alice a bday gift, and she liked this three paneled mirror, but it cost $195! We looked at hair stuff and necklaces and other stuff, but she didn't really find anything she liked. I tried on this headband thing, and I had straight bangs. Alice then grabbed my hand, and she lifted me right off the ground. I was like "WTF WTF". She put me down, and I snuck out of the story, leaving them there. (OMG WTF SNUCK ISN'T A WORK. THE PAST TENSE OF SNEAK IS SUPPOSED TO BE SNEAKED. W.T.F. WOW.)

Anyways, I ran out and made it to this really really crowded staircase. I guess the mall was closing, but I found Sally and Grace on the stairs. Sally was at the bottom of the stairs and Grace was coming down behind her. Then a freaking car bashed through the mall, and people were everywhere, panicking.

Then the mall became the school, and we weren't allowed to leave. There was this dictator, and he was basically controlling everything. We had to do mundane jobs, and there was going to be this big ceremony thing, and we had to prepare for it. My first job was cutting chocolate cookies into thin little strips. I was like "EFF THIS, I'M LEAVING, THIS IS NOT REAL, YOU ARE JUST BRAINWASHING EVERYONE."

They gave me a handler, and I got a new job. Cutting sushi. I had to cut them and arrange them. Soon, I became so engrossed in that job, I just forgot about everything else. People came to try to rescue me, but all I could do was cut and arrange sushi. They were all different sizes, and I had to put them on the board, in a neat and space efficient way. Then the sushi changed into this green vegetable. The job was the same. Cut, arrange. FML, I liked that job so much. :S Yup.

THAT'S ALL. :)

Just Saying

:) Have to give credit: http://www.etsy.com/people/berkleyillustration

If I had Discovery Channel, I would be watching Shark Week until I barfed sharks. You wouldn't see me for a week.

...huh...:( Sharks...

Dream 6

...huh...

You know when you have dreams that are really, really good? The ones where you don't want to wake up, because they are exactly what you want your life to be? I dunno what y'all want, but I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. And when you do eventually wake up, you are so depressed for the rest of the day, because all you can think about is how great your dream life was and "WHY CAN'T MY LIFE BE LIKE THAT?!".

Well, anyways, that's happy dreams. Whether your meeting GD or Jason Mraz or whatever your fetish is...:( Sad...

Okay, well I had a really really SAD dream last night, and I am SAD now. It was so...ugh depressing.

So it started off in summer school, sort of. But I was taking English instead of Physics, and my teacher was my husband. ...Yeah. So we were given a book list, and we had to pick one book to do an essay/final assignment/culminating thing on. Of course, being us, we tried to pick the teacher's brain to figure out the questions and which books would be the easiest to write about.

Well, we were in the library, choosing our books. I went home, ate dinner with my husband (LOL WTF.) We were all cartoons, like Disney cartoons. I was Cinderella, dunno why. He was kind of fat with grey hair. But then when he took off his wig, he had black hair.

...Yeah.

He was older than me, but I guess I loved him a lot. We didn't have any kids, but I know I wanted kids. Anyways, one day, I think I went grocery shopping. I bought an orange bell pepper, yellow bell pepper, a coconut, some bananas and a cantaloupe. I think after I got back from the supermarket, he was already dead. There were firemen and stuff, talking talking talking, and I just wanted to die. I felt so sad, and I just stayed in my house and cried for a really long time. Eventually I went outside again and started "living", but I was more of a shell than a person.

One day, I was going to this therapy session that my parents wanted me to go to. I dunno, I felt like I was still hurting, but their grief was long gone, which is understandable. I was just walking, numbly, my feet barely moving, to the therapists house. I passed my brothers house, and he was playing outside with his daughter. ...They were both white, I dunno.

Yeah, so I was carrying around the groceries I bought the day he died. The peppers had these dry brown spots on them, and I guess the rest of the stuff was getting soft and bad, but I still carried that tattered bag everywhere I went. But today, I left it with my brother. I told him, "Here, keep this for me. I can't take it to the therapist, they won't like that. But I might want it when I come back, so take care of it for me." I think out of everyone, he was the most understanding towards me. His daughter asked why I was carrying around rotten groceries, but he just hushed her, and saw me off. Yeah, he was definitely the nicest to me..

Okay, so I got to the house, and Silvia opened the door for me. She kind of looked at me funny, and said, "Hi, glad you could make it. You're late." I think she was the receptionist, because she was really formal to me.

I passed by another couch, and there was this lady from my church. She smiled at me, and said, "You're late."

...I was kind of getting pissed, because MY HUSBAND DIED YOU INSENSITIVE TWATS and I WAS NOT LATE (haha felt like Mandy and Mao moment, WOAH).

Okay, so I got to the kitchen place where I guess the therapy was going to happen. It was a bunch of Chinese ladies from church, and my mom. That dumb lady therapist kept shaking my hand, touching my hands. I was just like "...". I hated it, it was so stupid. They kept talking as if I wasn't there. They were talking about God and how they should read my chat logs to see if I turned away from him and the church and how I needed to let go of this.

I guess I was kind of in shock and totally numb for the last few months, but then I started to get mad. They had no right to look in my chat logs (LMFAO WTF THEY ARE JUST CHAT LOGS!!) and they should just let me DEAL WITH IT myself. God worst therapists ever.

I turned to my mom and told her, "Mom, this is STUPID." I guess it shocked them, because I hadn't really spoken, much less with emotion, to anyone in a long time. I went on, telling her that I didn't want to come here anymore and that this therapist was stupid.

She told me, "Her methods are good. Shaking someone's hand can show a lot about the person. Just be patient."

Haha, so THAT'S why she was shaking my hand. Still, I was pissed, and I told her, "I DON'T CARE. I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS. WHY DOESN'T ANYONE CARE ABOUT HOW I FEEL? WHY ISN'T ANYONE ASKING MY OPINION."

She just turned to me and said, "No one cares about your opinion. It doesn't matter."

:S...They went grocery shopping. I guess I followed, but I left later. I feel so sad thinking about the walk home. The day was bright, but I just dragged my feet listlessly. Huh...

Gracey

Gracey Happy birthday.

I hope you have a great one.

Let's make this a lovely year together, okay?
One day, when we are old and gray, when
Vanity and selfishness are gone
Even when our youth is fading

You and I will stay forever young.
Only time will tell, but I've always been a believer.
Us is the only thing I can count on.

Save me a dance at your wedding
Obviously, you'll be dancing mostly with GD.

May you get everything you wish for.
Until tomorrow, when we meet again.
Can't swim, but I'm excited nonetheless.
Happy birthday pretty lady.

You two are the only ones to inspire acrostic poems from me.
Haha, fml these bring back bad memories.
But you bring back good ones.
So I guess it's worth it, in the end.

HBD.

Dream 5

This dream was...yah, let's just get on with it.

So I was living my normal life, just day-to-day stuff. But then, one day, they found out my brother could smell oil in the ground. Lol, what a talent! So yah, some oil tycoony people caught wind of that, and kidnapped my brother and our family (and some of my friends, wtf) to Afghanistan. They wanted him to sniff out the oil underground.

Anyways, we lived in a really, really nice house. It was a mansion, but it had men in black suits and sunglasses everywhere, watching us. We were all together, and I even had some of my friends (here's to you, Gracey). I guess it was nice, but we weren't happy. We were allowed to go out and stuff, but we would always be tracked and followed by men in black (hahaha that's a movie). We had freedom but we didn't.

So life went on, I guess my brother was still useful, so we kept sticking around. Then one night, my mom brought a doctor to me, because my stomach was hurting SO MUCH. I was just gonna roll over and die from the pain, it hurt so bad. I lay there and he checked me over and w/e, but there was nothing he could do.

Then one night, the front door was unlocked!! I woke everyone up, and we escaped into the night. Of course, when morning came, we realized our mistake. We had no way to get home, no passports or anything. We were in an unfamiliar place. Yah, so we walked around in the morning, trying to avoid the men in black. I met up with Grace and this girl with red curly hair, and they told us about the situation at the house. There was also this huge water slide.

I don't know how but we eventually did get back home. My friends and I went to FV for some reason, and we were walking around and I thought, "Hmm, he should be back by now, it's almost been a month." And surely enough, as we walked by the food court, I saw him. It was weird though, because he saw me too and just kind of ignored me. But the weirdest thing was he was dressed like a gangster (Sorry, sorry I know that's stereotyping, but he was!) He was with a white kid and two black kids and they were just walking around the mall. I was pissed because he didn't tell me he was back!

So I went to school, and my stomach was still hurting really bad. I went to my summer school Physics teacher, who in the dream was like a bio teacher or something, and told him my problem. He made me describe the feeling and the pain and the time frame for each time. (By then I had figured out that I had my period). He drew this graph, a 1/x graph (You know, the one with the asymptotes?). He explained that the first period is always the worst, because I had a lot of Sulphorous dexride in me. He connected all the dots and drew a few more to fill in the blanks. He said that if I wanted to stop the hurt, I would have to burn up all of that chemical inside me. Each time I had my period, the amount of chemical would get less and less, but it would never reach 0.

Enlightened, I went back to find a bathroom. The closest one was a staff bathroom, but I knew it would be fine because I was MIA. ...Right. So anyways, I went in, and this teacher saw me and asked me, "What time is it?"

I told her "There's 2 minutes left of lunch."

She said, "Exactly. Go to the bathroom on the other side."

To get to that one, I would have to go outside and walk all the way around. Yah, she pissed me off, and I just went to the staff bathroom. :S That was yesterday's dream. Haha, I woke up and realized, hey I do have my period.

...that's all, go home. :)